Against All Odds
by The Gentlemen Without a Hat
Summary: My personal Head-Cannon of Shepard and Tali after ME3. Does my 'fix' of the ending, there will be both plot and fluff abound. Rated M for the mere presence of Jack, 'nuff said. Rated M for Violence, Language and possibly more if I am up to it. Please Read & Review. Anyway, ROMANCE, FLUFF, READ NOW!
1. Author's Note

**Authors Note: Please Read, I have a few things to say**

**First of all, I would like to thank everyone who read my previous and first story "Darkest before Dawn". You guys have been great! You have all given me the motivation to push through with this story. I thank all profusely. Anyone who hasn't read it, please do, it will explain a few things, but it is not vital.**

**Second of all, this is my own story with my own personal head-cannon from before I encountered fan fiction, but reading some of the stories on here has given me inspiration and Ideas. I believe in Credit Where Credit's Due, so I would like to Credit these authors for the stories this is based on:**

_**The Sneaky Fox**_

_**Bahoogasmif**_

_**Miraza **_

**If the ideas of my personal head-cannon are the "meat and flesh" of this story, then their stories are the "Skeleton" of this. Thank you, helped give form to my dreams, and for that, you have my eternal gratitude**

**Thirdly, I plan on making multiple stories in this head-cannon, with other authors giving me ideas from their stories, not to the same extent as the four above, but very helpful nonetheless:**

_**KingN7**_

_**Nhaer042**_

_**Charlie4077**_

_**Machinist's Guardian Angel**_

_**Wizard Sheep**_

**My thanks, for each of you contributed to realizing this piece, be it a small or bigger contribution. If ****any author**** feels I have used their ideas without crediting them, ****please tell me and I will.**

**Finally, a plot note, ****My Shepard:**** He is based off my in-game one. All decisions were basically full paragon decisions.**

**Background: Spacer, War Hero**

**Description: Short black hair, Green Eyes**

**Class: Soldier**

**Additional Notes: Cerberus upgrades allow for minor use of biotics. Anyone who played the game and given a soldier a biotic bonus power (i.e. Slam) knows what I mean.**

**Anyway, enough rambling, MOAR STORY. **

**As always, I bid you Good Day *doffs non-existent hat***

**-The Gentlemen**


	2. The Ill Use of Man

**The Ill Use of Man**

"_Power concedes nothing without a demand.  
It never has and it never will."  
- Frederick Douglass_

…

Shepard watched as the darkness appeared to clear from The Illusive Man's, and the sorrowful expression of a man who believes he is winning realizes he has played right into the enemy's hand cross his face.

"I tried, Shepard." He turned and walked the edge of the platform, every step becoming more and more forced as he moved towards the edge. As he reached the edge, he turned and looked Shepard in the eye with the most vulnerable expression Shepard had ever seen in his mechanical eyes. It was the most human he had ever seen those eyes look. The Illusive Man place the gun under his jaw.

"I tried, Shepard." He fired up.

His head jerked backwards, grey matter fired into the void beyond the mass effect fields holding the atmosphere and gravity in place on the platform. His body slowly fell backwards, passing through the field and beyond. The head of the Galaxy's most hated organisation floated backwards, arms spread in a swan-dive like pose, the expression on his face serene.

Anderson staggered backwards as both he and Shepard regained control of their bodies. He fell backwards against the console behind him, and slowly slid down it, clutching his side.

"Anderson!" Shepard limped forwards and knelt by him.

"Get it open, Shepard! Don't worry about me." Anderson grunted at him.

Shepard stood and looked at the console. The interface was covered in symbols that were completely indecipherable to him.

_Dammit think_ he thought _You are smarter than this, use that mind of yours soldier!_

He examined the console again, all the swirly shapes meaning nothing to him. But as he looked closer, he saw that they at the centre of the interface was a larger than normal shape. _The activation! It must be._ He pressed it. The Citadel arms started to open.

_Success! We made it! _Shepard smiled in relief. They had done it. They could deploy the Crucible and end this once and for all. They could win and rebuild all that had been lost, and escape the endless cycle of death and destruction on an unimaginable scale. The feeling of lightness that comes after winning a long-distance race started to spread through Shepard.

Such hope was short lived. As the arms opened, a shape was visible through the gap. It was the shape of an enormous Reaper, stationary and facing directly towards the platform. As the gap widened the lights underneath its armour, as well as its eyes, pulsed red. Red electricity arced from its eyes to the tips of its arms.

The Illusive Man's body floated directly in-front of it. As its eyes pulsed red, The Illusive Man's body spasmed, red electricity coursing throughout his body, the lights on his implants shining red. As his body convulsed, a red biotic field started emanating from the cadaver. The mass effect field stopped its drifting and righted itself so the body could look Shepard in the eye. The body's mechanical eyes normal an artificial blue, were glowing red.

As he saw this, the tendrils of darkness from Shepard's earlier confrontation returned, along with the sound of a blaring Reaper horn. He clutched his head in pain, reached for the pistol he had dropped beside the console. As he came up, a familiar voice played in his head, the lips on the floating, glowing body moved in time with it.

"**I AM ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL".**

Harbinger.

_Dammit_ Shepard inwardly cursed _it's never this easy is it?_

Harbinger floated towards the platform, its body encased in a blood-red biotic field. Shepard backed away, wanting space between him and the now infinitely more dangerous form of The Illusive Man. He did a quick assessment of the situation, as he always did when in contact. Harbinger minions were dangerous at the best of times. Now, Shepard's shields were down, his armour melted, his body beaten and bruised six-ways-to-Sunday, with no cover and only a pistol. It wasn't looking good.

_Let's hope he just wants to talk_ Shepard optimistically thought

Harbinger stepped down onto the platform, his gait, his aura, his entire being radiating a menacing power. He passed by the inert form of Anderson, not even glancing at it, judging it dead. _I have to mourn him later_ Shepard thought _He would want me to focus._

"**SHEPARD" **Harbingers voice caused his focus to snap back to the, _thing_, in front of him.** "YOU HAVE COME FAR, FARTHER THAN ANYONE ELSE BEFORE." **

He started slowly pacing in front Shepard, hands behind his back, looking for all the world like a being in control of the situation, like a dictator pacing in front of a crowd he is making a speech to, the red haze coalescing around him in a bubble.

Shepard thought he saw his chance and fired his pistol at the pacing form. The bullets bounced harmlessly off the blood-red biotic field surrounding him, and he looked like he didn't even notice as a red field appeared around Shepard's pistol and yanked it away from him, into the void beyond the platform.

"**HOWEVER AMUSING THIS HAS BEEN," **Harbinger carried on as if nothing had happened **"THIS FOOLISHNESS MUST STOP."**

"Foolishness?" Shepard replied, on his guardkeeping his distance. "Is foolishness when we stand on the brink of victory, the brink of your destruction?"

"**THE BRINK OF NOTHING!" **he loudly replied **"YOU HAVE BEEN NOTHING MORE THAN BACTERIA TO US. YOUR RACE MEANS NOTHING, YOUR EFFORTS, FUTILE. YOUR WEAPON, A WASTE. THE CYCLE WILL CONTINUE."**

"Nothing? Is that why you are standing here personally, confronting me and trying to stop me from activating the weapon when it comes?" Shepard didn't know why, but his gut instinct told him to keep him talking, that there would eventually be a way out of this. This was the same gut instinct that told him to recruit Garrus in the med-ward, and to take on Tali when she requested to come aboard.

Harbinger laughed **"WATCHING YOUR EXPLOITS HAS BEEN, AMUSING. YOUR EFFORTS WERE MEANINGLESS, YET YOU PERSISTED. YOU ARE ATYPICAL. YOU DESERVED AN ATYPICAL DEATH BEFORE I ENDED YOU. I**_** AM**_** THE HARBINGER OF YOUR DESTRUCTION."** The red field that encased his body started swirling more violently as he slowly raised his hand. His hand started glow and pulse with red biotics

Shepard knew he had only moments to live. There was no point trying to dodge it, and his biotics were too weak to try and block a charged attack. By the look of it, those biotics were very powerful and very dangerous. His only hope was to stall, and listen to his keen instinct for a plan.

"Wait!" Shepard shouted. Harbinger slowly flexed his hand in preparation. It was now or never.

"Don't you want to know how?" He shouted desperately in a long shot.

Harbinger paused, his biotics still charged. A frown crossed his face for the first time. He paused for a few more seconds, and then lowered his arm, the charge dissipating.

Those few seconds lasted a lifetime for Shepard. When he lowered his arm, he inwardly breathed a huge sigh of relief. _Holy Shit_ screamed his thoughts _Praise be to every God that has ever existed that that worked!_ Outwardly he kept up a poker face honed by years of training and experience

"**HOW… WHAT?"**

"How I could beat your pawns at every encounter and turn." He had no plan and was running on pure instinct. They told him to taunt him, as enemies show weaknesses when they are not calm.

"**THAT SERVES NO PURPOSE, YOU HAVE LOST NOW."**

"You don't want to know how I defeated Sovereign."

"**SOVEREIGN WAS INCOMPETENT." **He exclaimed in denial.

"The Collectors?"

"**INESSENTIAL."**

"How I beat you at Tuchanka?"

"**IMMATERIAL."**

"Rannoch?"

"**IRRELEVENT."**

Shepard smirked "How I recruited the Leviathans?" That was his verbal coup-de-grace. If that didn't rile

Harbingers eyes widened **"IMPOSSIBLE!"**

"I've met them, talked to them."

Harbingers face contorted into a twisted expression of anger.** "YOU ARE LYING, SHEPARD! EVERY ONE OF THEM HAS BEEN ASCENDED TO REAPER FORM. THEIR CIVILIZATION IS NO MORE!"**

Shepard peered closely at Harbinger for his next reaction. He told him in a calm voice "They told me lots of things. They told me about before the cycles. They told me about how they were slaughtered and harvested. They told me about how the remains of their people were used to form you." A flicker of an expression passed over his eyes to fast to interpret.

_Time to deliver the knockout "_They told me about The Intelligence." A flicker of fear passed over Harbinger's face. _Bingo, so they can feel fear._

His face turned into a stone-cold mask, his biotic field started to swirl violently. **"YOU WILL FEEL PAIN, SHEPARD!" **

He launched a wave of biotic energy at Shepard, who barely had enough time to react and raise his own meagre shield. He staggered backwards, the force from the blast, even uncharged, jarred through his whole being. Shepard was forced onto one knee as red biotics pressed down on him from above, his own field blocking it. Shepard felt like Atlas holding up the sky.

Harbinger walked forward, his glowing hand outstretched, his face calm but his eyes angry. As he came closer, arcs of electricity started to jump from his body to Shepard's. Shepard could feel him get closer, as the pressure was increasing. He felt blood start to trickle from one nostril.

"**I KNOW YOU FEEL THIS, SHEPARD." **Harbinger stated coldly** "YOUR ALLIES FALL AROUND YOU. YOUR WORLD BURNS ALONG WITH THIS GALAXY. YOUR RESTISTANCE WILL FAIL."**

Shepard looked up, up into the eye of the beast. He exclaimed through gritted teeth "Go to back to Hell!" With much effort, he freed a hand from holding up the crushing force above and threw a slam at Harbingers wrist.

The bolt made contact with Harbingers wrist. The wrist, weakened by the electrical damage caused by the implants when Harbinger assumed control, was pulled down and was dislocated with a _crack!_ The pressure from above Shepard faded away and while Harbinger was momentarily distracted, so Shepard threw a push at his chest. Harbinger staggered backwards, giving Shepard time to get up and ready himself. Shepard braced himself with a biotic shield as Harbinger fired a stream of biotic energy at him. The force of it staggered him, but he leaned into it and braced himself. It had now become a biotic tug of war between Harbinger rendering all his power on Shepard, who in turn was resisting it through sheer force of will.

Summoning his remaining strength, he pushed forward into the stream. It was like pushing against the hull of the Normandy from the inside. Shepard felt his strength start to wane, his field weaken.

_This bond that ties us together is something the Reapers will never understand._

Shepard felt his earlier words echo in his head and reverberate throughout his body.

_It's more powerful than any weapon stronger than any ship_

The electricity coming from Harbinger was arcing from him to Shepard, burning him and causing pain.

_It's something that can't be taken or destroyed._

Shepard knew he had to keep going. To find the motivation. To find the strength to push his body past the limits and finish this.

_Go out there and give them hell, you were born to do this._

The encouragement of his best friend echoed throughout his bones. His shield started to strengthen again.

_Wake Up Marine! We have a job to do! Finish what you started!_

Anderson's arse-kicking from a long-ago mission echoed throughout his muscles. He started gaining more and more ground towards Harbinger, despite his best efforts.

_Wherever you go, I'm with you._

Tali's voice echoed through his head and reverberated through his soul. With a roar, and to Harbinger and Shepard's disbelief, he called up strength from an inner core he didn't know he had, and surged forward through the stream. He grabbed on to Harbinger's head, the electricity from the implants surging into Shepard causing untold damage, and pushing him past any known threshold of pain. But he didn't feel it, is only thoughts were of Tali and the need to finish this.

With what was left of Harbingers skull in between his hands, he squeezed. The already weakened skull was no match for Shepard's cybernetically-enhanced grip. The entire skull started caving in, Harbinger screaming at Shepard as the bits of skull and the remaining grey matter seeped in between his fingers, electricity arcing along it like a damaged circuit board

With a final roar, Shepard twisted, snapping the neck, and pushed the mutilated body into the abyss beyond the platform.

"Keelah se'lai" He said to the twice dead vessel of evil.

He staggered backwards, exhausted, and then fell on his back in the middle of the platform, the raised bit providing a back rest. He was again, relived. He had had a final confrontation with Harbinger. It seemed appropriate that the head Reaper would be here at the end. These thoughts caused him to look at the defeated vessel of his old enemy…

… And see it staring back.

Alarm coursed through Shepard. _What the Fuck?! How many times do I have to kill this thing?_

Harbingers head had reformed purely through direct intervention by the reaper implants. What stared back at Shepard in place of a head was a twisted fusion of nanite formed metal structure and bits of leftover flesh, not even remotely human, as the last incantation had been.

Electricity arced along it as it floated along towards the platform. Shepard couldn't move, he was beyond exhausted, the pain and aching along his body was marrow-deep. It took all of his effort to simply stare as the twisted abomination landed on the platform.

There was no biotics surrounding the _thing_ this time. _Perhaps it's too damaged_ Shepard wearily thought _killing the Saren husk overloaded Sovereign's shields last time._ What the body then was even more horrific.

The body, walking forward and dragging its feet like a zombie, started to convulse and twist. Grey, metal spikes, like antennae, started sprouting out of its body, rendering it utterly inhuman and monstrous. Out of its left forearm, a long, forward facing, spike started to appear. It was sharp and obviously designed for stabbing. Its left hand glowed red, as it biotically lifted Shepard to his feet and about an inch off the ground, immobilizing him. It stood arm's length away from him.

"**YOU HAVE FAILED, SHEPARD. YOUR** **SPECIES IS DOOMED TO ANNIHLATION!" **It shouted angrily.**"I AM THE HARBINGER OF YOUR DESTINY!"** It pulled back its blade arm and thrust straight forward…

…Into Anderson's abdomen. He had somehow pulled himself up and thrust himself in front of the blade intended for Shepard. Anderson grabbed the blade-arm, preventing it from withdrawing. He pushed himself and Harbinger forward a few steps.

"Assume…control…of…THIS!" He grunted, while holding up a grenade to the abominations face. When he finished, he pressed the arm button, and thrust it through the weakened ribcage and into the upper torso. He pushed the walking corpse off him with a shove.

Harbinger clutched the hole in his chest before saying **"THIS FORM IS FRAGILE"** and exploding from the inside into several pieces. Anderson fell backwards next to where Shepard had collapsed once the biotics had been released.

"ANDERSON!" Shepard cried. He sat up and looked over Anderson.

A Reaper horn blared inside Shepard's head. Shepard turned and looked at the form of the Reaper in front of the Citadel. Electricity was arcing along its entire body, and looked to be damaging. Its appearance was that of a machine that has just been hit by an Overload. _I suppose it has_ Shepard's thoughts remarked _Same thing happened to Sovereign. _He didn't dwell on these thoughts for long though, as there was one other key detail that he noticed that demanded a bit more attention.

Its Thanix beam was charging and pointed directly at Shepard.

Time slowed for Shepard, as he comprehended the details of his surroundings in what was to be his final moments. He observed all his surroundings in a spilt second. He saw that the Citadel arms were open wide enough for a large object like the Crucible to pass through. _Oh well_ Shepard thought, rather cheerfully for someone staring death in the eye _At least I completed my task before I died, allowing others to win it. _He glanced back at the charging weapon.

_At least Tali is back on the Normandy._

He closed his eyes and waited for oblivion…

A Reaper horn, of higher pitch sounded out, and if Shepard didn't know any better, he would say it sounded like a cry of pain. He opened his eyes. He saw Harbinger turning about to face the barrage of fire from some Alliance ships on his now unshielded form. It seems he had taken a hit directly to the Thanix cannon, blowing up the built up charge and dispersing it. The tendrils of darkness receded from his mind. A call came over Shepard's mike.

"This is Shield fleet reporting in." came the voice of the operator.

Shepard cried out in relief, help had arrived! He had never been so glad to see an Alliance Dreadnought. A small chuckle, followed by a loud cough, sounded next to him. Anderson! He turned and looked back at Anderson. He was lying next to Shepard in much the same position as him, clutching the newly formed stab wound.

"Commander?" Anderson asked.

"We did it." Shepard replied in relief.

"We did, we both did." He smiled "It's… quite a view."

Shepard chuckled. "Best seats in the house."

Anderson gazed out on the view of the blue marble. It was quite a view.

"God… feels like years since I just… sat down."

"I think you _earned_ a rest."

Anderson paused "You ever wonder…how things would have different… how our lives would be _different… _if this hadn't happened." A contemplative look came over his face. "I never had a family Shepard, never had children."

The same look crossed Shepard's face as he gazed at the view. "There'll be time enough for that now."

A coughing laugh burst forth from Anderson "I… I think that ship has sailed." He turned to Shepard "What about you? Ever think about settling down?"

_I have a home… _Shepard's thoughts immediately turned to Tali. He thought about moving into that house on Rannoch with her. It was a pleasant thought. "Yeah… I like the sound of that. Not sure I'd be much good at it though." He smiled

"Sure you would."

Shepard laughed "I'm a soldier Anderson, like you… not really fit for doing anything else."

An amused tone came into Anderson's voice "I don't know Shepard… I think you would make a great Father."

Thoughts of adopting kids with Tali flashed through his head. They were pleasant thoughts. "Hm… I would have to adopt, I can't have kids with her."

A proud smile appeared across his face "Who's the lucky girl?"

"Tali."

The smile grew wider "The quarian who…" he grunted in pain "… gave you the data on Saren?"

Shepard smiled "Yeah."

"You're a lucky man… Commander." He smirked at Shepard.

Shepard laughed "Yeah… I am."

"… and think how proud your kids would be… telling everyone that their… their Dad is Commander Shepard." He was smiling happily at Shepard.

"I don't know about that… not everything I've done is… something to be proud of."

A serious look came across Anderson's face. "Come here." Shepard leaned forward, as did he "I'm proud of you… you did good Son." He slumped back. "You did good."

A warm feeling spread through Shepard. "Thank you… old friend."

Anderson grunted, his head drooping forward.

"Anderson? Stay with me. We're almost through this."

He didn't stir "Anderson?" The old soldier had finally found peace.

Shepard looked back out towards Earth. It was the last thing he saw before he finally passed out.

…

**Gentlemen and Gentleladys, that concludes chapter one.**

**Credit for most Anderson's last dialogue comes from here: watch?v=gZsRUEEr-AU**

**I just couldn't leave that out if I wanted to send Anderson off in a Blaze of Glory, as I intended.**

***Angry mob masses outside my door***

**I'm Sorry, I'm Sorry! I know this is a romance, and that this was a long action scene, put it is part of my 'fixing the ending' for my own personal head-cannon. It peeved me massively how Harbinger, the head Reaper, was never involved in ME3 when he could have been an EPIC final Boss. That was the first part of this fix. The second was to send Anderson off in a Blaze of Glory, instead of just basically being killed by Shepard.**

**There will be more Romance (and Angst) soon, but this was vital to the plot.**

**As always, I bid you all Good Day *doffs non-existent hat***

**-The Gentlemen Without a Hat**


	3. One's Choice

**One's Choice**

"_Out of every one hundred men,  
ten shouldn't even be there,  
eighty are just targets,  
nine are the real fighters, and we are lucky to have them, for they make the battle.  
Ah, but the One,  
One is a warrior, and he will bring the others back."  
-Heraclitus_

…

Shepard didn't know how much time passed until his consciousness solidified into a state wakefulness. He opened his eyes, staring up into unfamiliar surroundings from his back. _What is this place?_ Shepard though groggily _How did I get here? _Confusion swirled around his head as he sat up, going forward onto his hands and knees. He lifted his head to look forward. He saw three walkways, one to the right leading to a power conduit bathed in emergency lighting, one to the left leading to some kind of control panel, and the one he was on, leading forward to some kind of energy beam. As he gazed forward he saw a holographic swirl coming slowly towards him. As it got closer it started to gain form. When it got to just out of arms reach it had chosen a form, although it was still holographic, it looked the wireframe form of…

… The child he met in Vancouver.

"Wake up." It said, while mostly having a child's voice, there was something odd about it that Shepard couldn't quite place his finger on.

He got up unsteadily to his feet. His body still hurt, covered in burns, and he had to clutch his side. Miraculously, he had a Carnifex next to him. It must have been Anderson's one, that The Illusive Man dropped next to him when he blew his brains out.

"What? Where am I?"

The Child turned, and gestured to the surroundings "The Citadel. It's my home."

"Who are you?"

The Child turned and looked at Shepard "I am The Catalyst."

_Wait, What?! _"I thought the Citadel was The Catalyst."

"No, the Citadel is part of me."

_Huh, maybe it knows something then. _Shepard put on the voice every adult puts on when talking to a small child "I need to stop the Reapers, do you know how I can do that?"

"Perhaps" The Catalyst turned and started walking down the platform "I control the Reapers, they are my solution."

This sent Shepard reeling. What it implied…

_The Catalyst is the Intelligence the Leviathans spoke of?_ Shepard followed it down the platform "Solution? To what?"

"Chaos. The Created, will always rebel against their Creators."

_Definitely the Intelligence. Shit, I am in the Lion's Den if this is its home._

The Intelligence continued "But we found a way to stop that from happening. A way to restore order."

"By wiping out organic life?" Shepard asked, and stopped following the hologram.

The Intelligence stopped and paused, it turned.

"No, we harvest advanced civilisations, leaving the younger ones alone." It carried on walking down the platform, with Shepard following again "Just as we left your people alone the last time we were here."

"But you killed the rest."

The Intelligence stopped and faced one of the giant windows, gazing into the raging battle beyond. "We helped them ascend, so that they could make way for new life, storing the old life in Reaper form."

"I think we'd rather keep our own form." Shepard remarked dryly

The Intelligence's head snapped round "No, you can't. Without us to stop it, synthetics would destroy all organics. We created the cycle so that never happens. That's the solution."

Now that Shepard had a proper listen to the voice, he understood its peculiarity. It had two other voices saying the same thing at the same time. One was the voice of a human woman that was strangely familiar, but that he had never heard before. The other was his own.

_It's using mind games to throw me off balance! _Shepard's thoughts shouted_ The child, my own voice, its friendly nature, it trying to get me to drop my guard! _Shepard kept up a suspicion of the child now that he knew it was trying to lull him, and that it was Master Control of all Reapers.

"I know what you are, you're just an AI." Shepard sneered

"In as much as _you_ are just an animal." It replied with just a hint of disdain.

"But you were created."

"Correct."

"I've met your creators, they told me what you did to them." Shepard said scornfully

"We did as we were expected." It replied with conviction.

_So it's a broken AI. Fighting broken AI, the story of my life_ "They said you betrayed them. That you turned them into Harbinger."

"When they asked that I solve the problem of conflict, they failed to understand they were part of the problem themselves." The Intelligence explained. _The Created will always rebel against the Creators _Shepard thought bitterly

It continued "The flaws of their organic reasoning could not perceive this. They lacked the foresight to see that their destruction was part of the very solution they required."

_How utterly cold and ruthless _"Well, they've joined this war now." Shepard said triumphantly

"And I welcome their involvement, I am only facilitating their request." It replied, completely un-phased.

Shepard decided to change tack. "How do the Reaper's solve anything?" Shepard asked aggressively

"Organics create synthetics to improve their own existence, but those improvements have limits. To exceed those limits, synthetics must be allowed to evolve. They must, by definition, surpass their creators. The result is conflict, destruction, chaos, it is inevitable." It explained patiently.

The Intelligence continued "Reaper harvest all life -organic and synthetic- preserving them before they are forever lost to this conflict."

Shepard couldn't believe it. It was talking about solving the issue of conflict between organic and synthetics by creating an army of synthetics to wipe out organics, instead of trying to mediate. "We're at war with the Reapers right now!" Shepard exclaimed angrily.

"You may be in conflict with the Reapers, but they are not interested in war."

"I find that hard to believe." Shepard replied scornfully.

"When fire burns, is it at war? Is it in conflict? Or is it simply doing what it was created to do?" It methodically explained. "We are no different." _Fire doesn't make a conscious decision to eradicate everything it touches, so the analogy is invalid _Shepard internally scoffed _there is always another choice._

"We harvest your bodies, your knowledge, your creations." The Intelligence carried on. "We preserve it, to be reborn in the form of a new Reaper. Like a cleansing fire, we restore balance. New life both organic and synthetic can once again flourish."

_And there's the flaw that has made it rouge. _"But how does that _solve _anything!" Shepard cried. "You wipe out all the records of each civilisation, making them vanish. All you do is reset the galaxy, you don't _stop_ synthetics wiping out organics, you simply annihilate _both_! So again, how do the Reapers solve anything?!"

The hologram flickered for the briefest of moments. _I've hit a nerve, and it's caused an error _Shepard triumphantly thought _I wonder… _

The Intelligence paused, its face unreadable. "We required more data." It said simply.

It was remarkable that the Master Intelligence of all Reapers had yet to make a hostile move towards Shepard, and Shepard wanted to take advantage of that, the surrounding chamber offering no clues as to its use. "What do you know about the Crucible?" he asked

It turned its head to the giant beam behind it "The device you refer to as the Crucible, is little more than a power source." It explained "However, in combination with the Citadel and the Relays, it is capable of releasing tremendous amounts of energy throughout the galaxy."

It turned back "It is crude but effective and adaptive in its design."

"Who designed it?"

"You would not know them, and there is not enough time to explain. We first noted the concept for this device several cycles ago. With each passing cycle, the design has no doubt evolved."

"Why didn't you stop it?"

"We believed the concept had been eradicated. _Clearly _organics are more resourceful than we realized." Shepard snorted in amusement at this. It was a small victory, but gave him great satisfaction the Intelligence had underestimated the very beings it was eradicating.

"The defining characteristic of organic life is that we think for ourselves, make our own choices." Shepard grunted passionately. "You take that away… we might as well just be machines just like you." Shepard refused to give in to the wiles of a Reaper Intelligence.

"You have choice, more than you know." That surprised Shepard, and piqued his curiosity

"The fact that you are standing here, the first organic ever, proves it." The Intelligence continued. "But it also proves that my solution won't work anymore." _Solution is a strong word _Shepard thought, but he kept quiet, hoping it would elaborate.

"So now what?" he asked

"We find a new solution."

As revelatory and almost friendly this child-image was, Shepard couldn't ignore the fact that this was the Reaper intelligence. "Why are you telling me this? Why help me?"

"You have altered the variables."

"What do you mean?"

"The Crucible changed me, created new…possibilities. But I can't make them happen. If there is to be a new solution, you must act."

_The fate of the Galaxy rests on my choice, again _Shepard bitterly thought. The Intelligence continued.

It glanced at the power conduit bathed in emergency lighting "It is now in your power to destroy us." The hologram that made up the child-form disintegrated into a swirl. The swirl expanded around Shepard, and formed a vision in front of him. Shepard saw Anderson walking forward, shooting the conduit with a pistol. Something told Shepard that the Intelligence spoke the truth. _He he, so I destroy every single last Reaper with a Carnifex? That's gonna be one hell of story._

"But be warned" it said, while solidifying back into a wire-frame form of a child. "Others will be harmed as well. The Crucible cannot discriminate, all synthetic life will be targeted. Even you are partially synthetic."

_All synthetics?_ Shepard thought _Even EDI and the Geth? _"What exactly will happen?"

"Your Crucible device appears to be largely intact, however the effect of the blast will not be constrained to the Reapers. Technology you rely on will be affected, but those who survive will have little difficulty repairing the damage. There will still be losses, but no more than what has already been lost."

"But the Reapers will be destroyed?"

"Yes." _Hallelujah, finally! _"But the peace won't last." It emphasised "Soon, your children will create synthetics, and the chaos will come back."

_It has a point, history repeats itself, and that is our burden to bear. But… _"There has to be another way..."

It glanced towards the control panel to the right "There is. You could instead use the energy of the Crucible to seize control of the Reapers." Again, the hologram swirled around Shepard, and he saw a vision of The Illusive Man grabbing hold of the control panel, surrounded by huge arcs of electricity. _Somewhere in the deep corners of Hell, The Illusive Man is laughing his arse off at me and screaming at the top of his lungs "I TOLD YOU SO!"_

As the Intelligence returned to child-form, Shepard remarked bitterly "So… The Illusive Man was right after all."

The smallest of smirks appeared on the child's face "Yes, but he could never have taken control, because we already controlled _him_".

"But I can…"

"You will die, you will control us, but you will lose everything you have." The Intelligence stated bluntly.

"How can I control the Reapers if I'm dead?"

"Your corporeal form will be dissolved, but your thoughts, even your memories, will continue. You will no longer be organic. Your connection to your kind will be lost, but you will remain aware of their existence."

"But the Reapers will obey me?"

"Yes. We will be yours to direct and control as you see fit."

"Hmm." Shepard found himself in a dilemma that he couldn't solve. On the one hand, he could destroy the Reapers, but it would destroy every other synthetic, including one of his closest friends and an entire race. On the other, he could assume direct control of all the Reapers without any more blood-shed, but he would be sacrificing his humanity in the process, and basically becoming the Intelligence. _Sacrifice my humanity, the very thing I fought for, or commit genocide, and become the very thing I fought against?_

"There is another solution."

This snapped him out of his thoughts, and once again piqued his curiosity.

The Intelligence spoke "Synthesis."

"And that is?"

"Add your energy to the Crucible's." It stated. "The chain reaction will combine, all synthetic and organic life, into a new framework. A new… DNA."

The concept of this baffled Shepard. "Explain how my energy can be added to the Crucible's."

For the third time, the Hologram swirled around Shepard, and showed him a vision. It showed the child from Vancouver, the one that had been haunting his dreams, run and jump into the energy beam, apparently to his death.

The Intelligence started explaining as it solidified back into child-form. "Your organic energy, the essence of who and what you are, will be broken down and then dispersed."

_Okay, so it wants me to jump into a giant energy beam and commit suicide… for what, exactly. _"To do what, exactly?"

"The energy of the crucible, released in this way, will alter the matrix of all life in the galaxy." It answered, with its inexhaustible patience. "Organics seek perfection through technology, synthetics seek perfection through understanding. Organics will be perfected by integrating fully with synthetic technology. Synthetics, in turn, will finally have full understanding of organics. It is the ideal solution. Now that we know it is possible, it is inevitable that we will reach synthesis."

_It wants me to choose this, something's not right. _"Why couldn't you do it sooner?"

"We have tried… a similar solution in the past." It said hesitantly. "But it has always failed."

_The Collectors _Shepard realized _its talking about The Collectors._ "Why?" Shepard asked curiously

"Because the organics were not ready, it is not something that can be forced." It replied "You are ready, and you may choose it."

"Why?"

"Why not? Synthetics are already a part of you, can you imagine your life without them?"

"And there will be peace?" he asked sceptically

"The cycle will end, the Reapers will cease their harvest, and the civilisations, preserved in their current form, will be connected to all of us."

_Even if the Intelligence is telling the truth and this doesn't make the entire galaxy into updated versions of the Collectors, it does not necessarily solve anything _thought Shepard._ There is no guarantee that the new hybrid organics would not create synthetic servants, unaffected by the Synthesis blast, and cause conflict. The Reapers would realize this, and with their new understanding of organics, wipe us all out. The only thing it appears to achieve is to kill me. Maybe that is why it wants me to select it._

"How do I know you are telling the truth?" he asked suspiciously "I have no proof that any of your promises will be true."

The hologram flickered once again. "An AI cannot lie, its goes against their programming."

_In as much as you are just an Animal _Shepard's guard went up. _It might not be able to outright lie, but there are other ways of obscuring the truth. _

"Synthesis isn't a choice. I would be forcing it upon an entire galaxy. It would cause stagnation, with no conflict, there is no evolution. There pre-industrial and pre-spaceflight civilizations would be stuck at a single stage of evolution. There would be no guarantee of peace." Shepard exclaimed

He continued "The choice is between sacrificing myself to become another you, or to die in the process of committing genocide and destroying you!" he was getting more and more passionate in his speech. "I could enslave you, but I would be giving up my humanity, the very thing I fought for. No, I will not become a monster, that one-day might be driven to insanity by immortality and restart the harvest. No, I will finish what I started, and end you!"

"But you said it yourself." The Intelligence argued back "You would be committing genocide, and would be remembered for it for the rest of time. Could you become a 'monster' and wipe out an entire form of life? If Control means becoming a 'monster', then Synthesis is the ideal solution."

"If I must do that so that the rest will live, then I will. If I must die, so that the children of the survivors can live to see tomorrow, then I choose to." Shepard's voice got louder and louder, and more and more passionate as he spoke. "If I must go to Hell, so that the galaxy can live as it chooses to, then that is my choice! IF I MUST BE CONDEMMED TO BEING REMEBERED AS A BUTCHER AND A MONSTER, SO THAT I CAN GIVE THE GALAXY IT'S FREEDOM TO CHOOSE, THEN I WILL!" Shepard was shouting by the end, all the anger from the last three years coming back.

"Why, Commander, Why?" The Intelligence asked, perplexed. The Commander calmed down, and spoke his next words in a quiet, but determined voice, so that The Intelligence could hear him clearly

"Because I choose to."

The Intelligence fell silent. It turned slowly towards the power conduit. It held its gaze there for a few seconds, and turned back to Shepard. Its voice suddenly became deep, mechanical and menacing, deeper and more menacing than either Sovereign or Harbinger.

"**SO BE IT."**

With that it turned and walked away from Shepard, and slowly winked out of existence. A ramp leading up to the power conduit's platform suddenly appeared. Shepard, gun in hand walked up the ramp and towards the power conduit. The vision told him to shoot it.

Shepard raised his gun and started walking forward, firing slowly at it. The soundof the Carnifex barely heard as his thoughts suddenly became contemplative.

_Bang! _The image of a smiling Anderson suddenly crossed his mind, the guilt that he had pushed aside for the mission flooding back.

"I'm sorry." He whispered under his breath, almost involuntarily. The sadness at watching his friend die because of him washed over him.

_Bang!_ The image of Legion turning his head to him filled his mind, reminding him that he was about to exterminate his very race. The race he sacrificed himself for, which would now be in vain."

"I'm sorry." He whispered to himself again. While it was necessary, it did not make the upcoming genocide any easier.

_Bang! _The image of a smiling EDI appeared in his thoughts. An agonizing pain filled his heart, as he was reminded that he might as well have been shooting his friend.

"I'm sorry." EDI would understand. At least, that's what he told himself. The guilt did not go away.

_Bang!_ The image of a masked Tali, eyes smiling at him, seared itself into the vison of his mental eye.

He stopped. One more should, by the looks of it, would destroy the conduit, and probably kill him. He said he would build her a house on the Home world.

"I'm sorry Tali, I'm going to have to break that promise." He said sadly, to himself. He raised the pistol, and decided to have her unmasked smile as his last thoughts. A small smile appeared on his face. He fired the last shot.

He did not notice the fireball that engulfed him. He did not notice the shockwave from the explosion that sent him flying backwards like a ragdoll. He did not notice the crucible energy beam turn red as the Crucible armed itself to destroy the Reapers.

His thoughts were of only Tali.

…

**Gentlemen and Gentleladies! That concludes Chapter 2**

***Angry mob outside door carries on screaming***

**I know, I know, please don't hurt me! I know that most of the Catalysts dialogue was taken Ad Nauseam from the actual game, but I wasn't just lazy!**

**While having invariably flawed logic (It is a Rouge AI), the Catalyst argues its viewpoint remarkably well, and I put it in there so I could essentially put up my own arguments against it, and have a proper, Gentlemanly debate with it.**

**From this point on, while based on the ideas from other authors, it will essentially be my own dialogue, with maybe the occasional quote and recognizable line.**

**I'll give a virtual Top Hat and Monocle to the first person who spots my reference to a movie. Name the movie, and I'll give it to you.**

**As always, I bid you all Good Day *doffs non-existent hat***

**-The Gentlemen Without a Hat**


	4. Peace from across the Sea

**Peace from across the Sea**

"_Our life dreams the Utopia,  
Our death achieves the Ideal."  
-Victor Hugo_

…

_Shepard awoke to the sensation of grogginess. As his senses started to awaken as well, and the fog cleared from his mind, he took stock of the situation. He was lying down, and something was propping up his back. He couldn't move anything from the neck down. _At least I'm not in pain _Shepard thought. He looked around him. The floor was flat, smooth with no distinguishable features, and appeared to be similar to glass. He felt no sensation from it. He to his left, all he saw for miles around was a wall of hazy, grey, fog. He looked below, the 'glass floor' showed the same fog beneath him. _Kind of like when Leviathan was talking to me_ Shepard remarked._

_He looked to his right, and was completely shocked. Sitting down next to him was Anderson! He was smiling at Shepard, no evidence of injury on him at all. His pose was that of one sitting on the ground without a backrest, his elbows on his knees, hands intertwined. He was facing Shepard._

"_Anderson!" Shepard cried in disbelief_

"_Hello, son." He replied_

"_Am I dead?" Shepard asked hesitantly_

"_No, you're close," He replied "but you're not dead yet, son."_

"_Where am I?" Shepard asked, again hesitantly_

"_I don't know." Anderson replied "You tell me."_

"_You're still dead aren't you" Anderson nodded "This is all in my head isn't it. It's not real."_

"_Bingo." Anderson confirmed "But just because it's in your head doesn't make it any less real. This conversation is equally as valid as if I was still alive." _

"_Why are we here?" Shepard asked_

_Shepard's vision flashed. Suddenly, he was lying back on an ornate chaise-long, like the kind found in a psychiatrist's office. Anderson had appeared to Shepard's left, leaning back in a leather armchair that has also materialised. The fog, 'glass floor' remained, as well as Shepard not really having changed position._

"_A better question would be: Why are _you_ here?" Anderson asked, like he secretly knew something that Shepard didn't._

"_I don't know that, Anderson, I don't know what's going on."_

_Anderson sighed "Perhaps more specifically, why are you here with _me_?"_

"_You're not helping Anderson." Shepard replied irritated "If you know something, please tell me."_

_Anderson sighed again. "Shepard, we are in _your_ head. Think. Why do you think you are having a conversation with _me_, in _your_ mind?"_

_Shepard thought about it. His mind, controlled by his sub-conscious by the looks of it, has put him in a situation where he could talk to Anderson._

"_Because, sub-consciously, I wanted to talk to you."_

_Anderson smiled. "Good, now you're thinking. Now, can you imagine why?"_

_Shepard pondered it, trying to think about why his sub-conscious was doing this. "Because I feel guilty." He replied quietly._

_Anderson smiled warmly again. "Correct, you feel guilty. You feel like you always do when you watch someone you know die in battle. You feel responsible. You want desperately to talk to them one last time, to throw yourself at their feet and beg forgiveness for something you didn't even do. But you never can, and you carry that burden inside you forever. Well, now you can, and let me tell you something, son." He leaned forward, a warm, reassuring smile on his face. "There's nothing to forgive."_

"_I SHOT YOU, ANDERSON!" Shepard screamed in remorse, Anderson having gradually broken down his emotional barriers. "I LOOKED YOU IN THE EYE AND PULLED THE TRIGGER!"_

"_No, John." Anderson replied calmly "You didn't. That cock-sucking, power-crazed, son-of-a-bitch Illusive Man shot me, he simply used your gun."_

"_But I could've resisted him, I should've." He said sadly. "I should've done more…"_

"_There was nothing you could have done John. That bastard was using Reaper tech, at close range. Hell, it didn't even kill me outright."_

"_No… Harbinger did that." Shepard remarked sadly. "He stabbed you with an attack meant for me."_

"_Don't you dare beat yourself up over that, soldier!" Anderson replied, suddenly terse "Don't you dare feel sadness for me, when I got lucky. I chose my own death, and it was glorious."_

"_Glorious?" Shepard said scornfully "What glory is there in being stabbed by a twice-dead corpse?"_

"_The glory, Shepard, is that I saved you. The bullet might not have killed me, but I wasn't long for this world. I didn't have a future left in victory over the Reapers. But I wasn't going to go quietly. Tell me, can you think of a more worthy death than taking a blade meant for a friend, a brother-in-arms, a man with the brightest of futures ahead of him? I think not. I died on my feet, and I died content."_

"_Anderson…" Shepard said, suddenly contrite_

"_It's okay, son. You needed an ass-kicking." He said, amusedly, but turned serious again. "Do not grieve for an old soldier who had the best of deaths, celebrate the life of an old-friend, a mentor, and a father figure."_

_An overwhelming feeling of gratefulness passed over Shepard. He looked at the man who, for most of his military career, had been his mentor. He had been a family friend of the Shepard's, but due to circumstances of careers, his mum and Anderson both being military, they met rarely. But Shepard remembered those visits fondly. Later, when he had been assigned as an XO under Anderson, he became a mentor and a friend to turn to. A little while before he became a Spectre, Anderson started to become a father figure._

"_Thank you… David."_

_Anderson smiled "Your welcome, John. Now, come on, wake up. You need to get yourself back to her."_

_Fog started to descend over Shepard's eyes, the feeling of pins and needles started appearing all over his body. A dull ache started to throb in Shepard's leg. He was starting to wake up_

_Anderson was encouraging him, marine style. "WAKE UP MARINE! NO GOOD JUST LYING THERE IF YOU CAN'T WAKE UP! HOW YOU GONNA GET BACK TO TALI IF YOU CAN'T WAKE UP!_

Shepard gasped. His entire body felt like it just had a planet dropped on it. He was surrounded by rubble, and his legs were buried in it. _No time for pain right now_ Shepard thought_ going to have to dig a hole above me before I suffocate._ Shepard would rather not survive the Reaper invasion only to die by suffocating to death after being buried alive.

He moved one arm. Pain flared all across the skin on it. He looked down at it, it hurt just to move. His entire arm was covered in burns. He looked down at his body, his hard-suit was melted on to his skin. _Hooleee fuck! _Shepard thought _Never mind how I'm still breathing or functioning, best ignore it and start digging up._

Shepard moved his arms, ignoring the pain, and started to claw away at the rubble above him. He couldn't move himself, so he just dug a hole above him. As the dirt fell down onto his face, he pushed it to the side. He had to keep digging, or he wasn't going to make it out. His arms started to get tired.

_This is for Tali_ he thought _you made her a promise! And you don't get to break that promise._ He thought of her unmasked face, the smile she wore whenever he kissed her. It was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. The thought of that gave him strength, and he soldiered on.

The process carried on as such for a while. He would get tired, start to slow down, then think of her, and find the strength in his battered body to carry on.

Just before he thought he would pass out again, he made a hole, and fresh air poured through. _Oh my God! Fresh air!_

Those were his last thoughts before he passed out again.

…

Admiral Hackett didn't quite know what to think.

On the one hand, they had defeated the Reapers, the readouts from the sensors logs and the celebratory cries from the people around him and across the comms of his allies were evidence as such. But now that the war had been won, he now surveyed the damage. His command centre was on one of the Dreadnoughts of the Shield fleet. Each of the race's fleets had sustained about two-thirds casualties. The number's coming in were staggering. And that was just the fleet, Hackett didn't even want to think about what happened to Hammer. On top of all that was the Relay situation.

The Victory fleet, as people were now calling the coalition of each race's Navy, had withdrawn to the Sol Relay when the Crucible armed, on Hackett's orders. The Frigates and some of the smaller cruisers, including the Normandy, had managed to reach the Relay and go through before the Crucible blast damaged it. Hackett was stuck in the Sol system with the Dreadnoughts, Carriers and heavy Crusiers, with the FTL-Comm buoys down.

"What now sir?" the voice of one of his aides snapped him out of his reverie.

"Now? Now… we rebuild."

…

Javik felt the crew. The air on this unknown planet that they had crashed on was strange and carried confusing information, so to stop himself going crazy, he observed the emotions of the crew through his sensory ability. He felt the one they called 'Joker', he felt his depression, the loss that one feels when a loved one dies. It was directed towards… the defunct _synthetic? _

_Hm, he has earned the right to his vices _Javik thought _he piloted the ships that helped destroy the Reapers. Besides, she is dead. He can find a proper mate now._

He grunted as he biotically lifted a piece of hull into place. He was working on the outside of the ships, lifting panels into place with the asar-, Liara._ Hm, she is not as annoying as I once observed her to be_ Javik internally remarked _I think she could be a worthy friend_. Previously, Javik hadn't considered the other crew of the Normandy, other than the Commander, friends. He was disdainful of them, considering primitives. He tolerated the Commander, he was a worthy ally.

However, times had changed. The Reapers had been defeated. Javik felt himself lacking purpose now that he had avenged his people. With the anger of his dead race abating, he started feeling empty. Like there was something missing. When he felt himself growing closer to the crew, that hole started to fill. So instead of distancing himself, a common technique in his cycle so that the death of comrades didn't crush morale, he embraced it. He found the result… pleasant.

Other than the Commander, he felt the most kinship with Liara. Talking with her about his civilisation from his time, and before the Reapers was something he enjoyed. He looked forward to his conversations with her about the Protheans. These days, stranded on this strange planet, it was the highlight of his day.

Liara grunted as she finally relaxed her biotics, along with Javik. The panel they had been holding up had just been welded on. She turned and spoke.

"So Javik, it's been a week since the Crucible fired. There have been no Reaper sightings on the sensors. I think it's safe to assume that the Reapers have been defeated. What are you thinking?"

_A good question_ thought Javik _one I'm not sure about myself._ He began frankly "My purpose has been fulfilled, my people avenged. I find myself… without purpose." Javik had of course had a conversation with the Commander, just before the final charge. He told the Commander that he might take up Liara's offer to write a book. Maybe one day, when he was ready, would he look at the Echo Shard.

"You will always have a place in this crew, Javik." she reassured him "And while you may not think the same, I know most of the crew, as well as I, consider you a friend."

Javik considered his response "I… consider you my…friend, as well, Liara T'soni." He said, solemnly "I hope the offer to write a book with you still stands."

Her face lit up, but before she could say anything, Javik's head snapped to his right. He sniffed the air. He felt a massive release of emotions, all of them chaotic. This was followed by another source of sadness.

_It must be the qua-, Tali _Javik thought_ she is working on the other side of the hull. It makes sense. _Javik sniffed the air again. _The Tur-, Garrus must have said something about the Commander to her. Her emotional state, still fragile, broke. She is fleeing to their cabin right now as a place of safety._

"What is it Javik?" asked Liara

"Garrus has just reminded Tali about the Commander. More specifically, he has indirectly reminded her about the fact that he is dead." He stated, bluntly.

"Oh, By the Goddess." Liara said, shocked "I will go see if she is alright."

Liara ran back to the ship as fast as she could. Javik watched her, outwardly the same cold, impassive Prothean he always was. But inside, he was in turmoil. The Reapers were dead, there was no need to distance himself. So the thought of Tali suffering, caused him to feel sad as well. It was something he had not felt in a long time. Not since… he couldn't remember. It was an unpleasant feeling.

_Perhaps I should do something_ he thought to himself._ No, I shall wait for Liara. I cannot deal with grieving lovers well, she is better at emotions. If Tali does not recover after Liara has talked to her, then I will see what I can do._

So Javik waited, and observed the crew once again.

…

An hour later, Javik decided to observe the pheromone scents coming from the cabin. While Tali's suit made it difficult to read her emotions, at least from far away, Liara's stood out like a beacon in a plasma storm. She had been unsuccessful, and Tali was still isolating herself in their cabin.

Javik decided it was time to take matters in to his own hands. He went into the Normandy, and opened one of the maintenance hatches. He climbed up the ladder inside until he reached the Commander's cabin. He went inside.

He saw Tali curled up in a ball on the bed, he tried not to focus on the bed, as the flashes coming from it implied things he did not want to see from touch. He walked up to just in front of Tali, and knelt down.

"What do you want Javik?" she asked annoyed

Javik didn't reply. Instead he did the one thing Tali wasn't expecting him to do. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Tali was shocked. Javik was the coldest person she knew, she had seen a wider range of emotions come from EDI of all things. Javik, showing _sympathy_. This piqued her curiosity enough to snap her out, at least temporarily, from her stupor. She sat up Javik's hand still on her shoulder.

"Javik?" She asked

Javik had no idea what to do, so he did what all good soldiers do, what all great leaders do. The Avatar of Vengeance for the Prothean Empire winged it.

"Imagine, just for a moment, that he could see you right now." He said, in the closest thing to a sympathetic voice Tali had ever heard from him. "That in this instance in time, he could see you, reduced to a shell of your former, proud self. What would he think?"

Tali paused for a moment "I…guess… he wouldn't like it." She responded tentatively.

"Correct, he wouldn't. He knew what he was doing, as did you. He knew that it existed as a possibility." Tali's head drooped, her shoulders slumped

"However!" he said quickly "I knew him better than most people do when I first touched him. I could read the information of his biology in an instant. I knew his language, his social position, and his immediate worries. However, you knew him best. You knew him best, simply because he loved you." This reassurance came from the man who was educated as a youngling that love was a weakness, that it would only hurt you.

He saw Tali's head lift up, her shoulders square ever so slightly. He took this as a good sign.

"You knew him best because, even when I first met him, it was clear you held a special place in his heart. A place that no other had filled before and never would. No-one else would, because it was moulded just for you."

The smallest of wistful smiles appeared on Tali's face, it always made her happy to know how much Shepard loved her. Javik saw her eyes wrinkle through the mask, and knew he had made her smile. He had to press the advantage before sad memories of him came flooding back.

"So, if he could see you now, he would tell you one thing. He would tell you to soldier on, to carry on living, and above all else to be happy. He wouldn't want you to be sad on his account. Because I am sure of one thing above all else in this life."

"What?" Tali asked curiously, her voice lighter than before.

"That he met his death with a smile on his face, thinking only of you." _Yes, _Javik thought _he would have stared Death in the eye, and Death would have blinked first, before he made the enemy pay for his passing._

Tali smiled properly now. It was not a big one, but it was her first proper one since Earth. And for the first time, sadness did not consume her whole being. It would be hard and painful, but she would carry on living her life, for him. She could never love again, but she would live a happy life, because he would want her to.

"Thank you…Javik. You've helped a lot. You've set my mind at peace." She said "I'd better get back to work."

She left the cabin and climbed back down the maintenance ladder with Javik following behind her. As Javik stepped out onto the Crew Deck, he met Garrus, Liara and Tali.

"Thanks again Javik." Tali said, before departing to the outer hull to go back to work.

Garrus and Liara watched her leave, each wearing identical expressions of shock and disbelief. They couldn't believe it, the quintessential Cold Soldier had just comforted a grieving loved one, and got her too feel better again. The entire ground team, along with engineering, had been trying the same thing for weeks and had no success.

"How… what did you?" asked Garrus.

"I gave her a reason to carry on."

…

**Gentlemen & Gentleladies! That concludes Chapter three!**

***Angry mob, that has been outside my house for a few days now and is starting to smell, once again screams and bang pitchforks***

**I know, I know, most of that was Javik's perspective, but I thought I would try something different, otherwise I probably would have ended up lifting The Sneaky Fox's version of that scene completely. It was hard, but I enjoyed writing that. Writing fanfic is harder than I thought kudos to all you writers out there.**

**Anyway, I probably won't be updating till next week, and after that I am going on holiday, so no updates for a while. Read, review, please don't flame, and if you have suggestions I'd be happy to hear them.**

**As always, I bid you all Good Day *Doffs non-existent hat***

**-The Gentlemen Without a Hat**


	5. The Purpose of Survival

**The Purpose of Survival**

"_Whether we are based on carbon or on silicon makes no fundamental difference;  
we should each be treated with appropriate respect."  
― Arthur C. Clarke_

…

_Shepard awoke find himself much in the same position as he was when having his conversation with Anderson. _Or myself, if you think about it_ he thought_ whichever makes me sound less insane, talking to myself or to dead people._ He let out an internal chuckle at this. He looked around to see if there was anyone with him, for the dark mist surrounding him was bleak, featureless, and resembled too much like the Leviathans cage that they put his mind in when conversing with him. As he looked around he saw an unexpected, yet expected figure. A humanoid covered in dark coloured armour plates, uniform except for the damage to the torso and the N7 shoulder guard welded to him._

_Legion._

"_I anticipate the exchange of data." Legion opened with his normal greeting during the suicide mission, his synthesised voice sounding almost wistful and nostalgic. Shepard noticed the use of 'I', a concept very new to Legion. It filled Shepard with a feeling of gladness that his sacrifice wasn't for nothing, however those feeling were soon swamped by the sadness and guilt by the circumstances of his death. _He sacrificed himself to help me _Shepard thought sadly _He terminated his own existence gambling on the fact that I would make it worthwhile.

"_Legion." Said Shepard quietly, his own perceived guilt permeating from his voice._

"_Shepard-Commander. Observational Analysis: Seeing as how we are conversing in a construct of your own mind, then your platform is still functional. However, as we are in this construct in the first place, your body is heavily damaged. Recommend seeking medical attention upon waking up."_

"_Legion." Shepard again said quietly, his guilt towards his teammate, his brother-in-arms, preventing him from choking out more than that._

"_Anomalous vocal mode detected. Cataloguing … Analysis, Shepard-Commander's vocal patterns indicate: guilt." Legions voice trailed off at the end, its confusion evident. "Query: John, I don't understand, why are guilty?"_

_Shepard had to speak now. He forced down the lump in his throat. "Legion, you died because of me." He managed to speak quietly._

"_Shepard, I don't understand. Memory logs indicate that this platform…I… chose to disseminate its core programming, resulting in software termination. Audio logs indicate that this decision was vocalised to local party. I told you of my decision. Logic Error: Shepard, I don't understand, please clarify." Legion spoke simply, but organically. His monotone speech was no-where to be heard, even when stating the robotic functions of his logic processors. These inflections allowed him to convey feelings and emotions. He was still confused._

"_Legion, you disassembled your code so that the Geth could join _my _force against the Reapers." He spoke clearly, his words laden heavy with the sadness a man experiences when men die for him. "Every organic life-form contains a self-preservation instinct. It's part of our hardware. It stands to reason that the Geth have them as well, yet you made the conscious decision to end yourself, on a gamble that _my _plan would work. A _gamble_! On _my _plan! You died because of me!" he slumped back afterwards, wallowing in the sadness brought by this conversation._

_Legion paused. Its head flaps rippled as it considered its response at the speed of light. While capable of individuality and being considered a life form, psychology was not its primary function. It took a few seconds for it to form the most efficient answer._

"_Shepard, there is no blame on anyone in this scenario. I disassembled my programming so that my people, my race, could have a better future. Survival served no purpose in that situation. Were I an emotionally driven consciousness, I would take offence at your attempt to claim responsibility for my actions." Shepard jerked his head up ta this. There was a slight hint of condescension in Legion's tone during that last remark. He did not expect to hear that. _

_Legion continued its tone more sympathetic "As it is, all I see is man with troubles on his mind. You feel sadness about my death, having become attached to me as a teammate. You cannot direct your sadness at anyone, so your coping mechanism engages. You blame yourself for an act committed voluntarily, by a being with no regrets, happy to end its existence in this way. Most psychological profiling methods consider this unhealthy, especially for a military officer, commanding units that may be put into situations like this. Recommendation: don't blame yourself for my death John, I went to it gladly."_

_The typhoon of emotions in Shepard's heart settled after Legion's speech. _I guess it is a rather unhelpful coping mechanism _Shepard thought. It was a balm to the raw guilt he was feeling that Legion felt no ill-feelings that he was put into that situation._

"_Thanks, Legion, I guess I needed you to tell me that" Shepard said gratefully. "I can't help it old friend, I feel the pain of death around me. The moment I desensitise my-self to death, is the moment I become a monster, capable of indiscriminately killing. Such people are the one thing I hate most, and are the one thing I most fear to become."_

"_Shepard-Commander, there is a difference to blaming yourself for the deaths of comrades, and to desensitise yourself to murder. The former, while indicative of empathy, is a detriment to commanders of high risk operations. The latter to a certain extent is also a detriment, as to have the killing of an enemy detrimentally effect your emotional state is a flaw. But to stop seeing murder as wrong, that is the point of evil."_

_Shepard chuckled "Since when could you debate ethics, Legion?"_

"_I analysed sources and people considered good and moral by the rest of society."_

"_Who did you learn from the most?" Shepard asked, curious as to who was capable of giving a robot a conscience._

"_You."_

_That was a curveball for Shepard. "Legion, I'm…I'm flattered, that you consider me such a good person."_

_Legion paused. "Your success rate, even against low odds, was high." Legion said tentatively. "I have been informed… good guys always win."_

_Shepard burst out laughing at this. "Thanks Legion, I guess everyone needs a heart to heart with a robot once in a while." He said, still chuckling._

"_Shepard-Commander." It suddenly said in a serious tone. "You are close to consciousness; remaining time of data exchange is limited."_

"_Tell me Legion, why do you still call me 'Shepard-Commander' when I have heard you use my name?" he asked curiously._

_Legion paused, his flaps slowly forming into what could only have been a smile. He spoke wistfully._

"_For old time's sake, Commander."_

Shepard awoke surrounded by dirt. It was the dirt he had shovelled around him to make a hole all the way to the top. He glanced up; thankfully the hole was still there. He didn't know how much time had passed, but he was in mostly the same position as before. His legs hurt however, and he glanced down. He wished he hadn't.

His legs were pinned directly beneath a collapsed pillar of rubble. He couldn't see over the other side of it, but it looked like his legs were completely flattened. _Damn _he thought _even if I'm getting out of this, I don't think I'll have my legs anymore. _Surprisingly this did not bother Shepard as much as he thought. The inconvenience of life without legs was not as big a problem for Shepard, as he had survived in uncomfortable places before. It wouldn't allow him to be a military man, but that didn't bother him. _Lord knows I've seen enough war and death for one lifetime _he thought ruefully _Yep, civilian life is for me. A house, by the sea, with Tali._

He looked down at his legs again. _That's not gonna happen if you just lie there and give up, soldier _Shepard internally shouted _you want a house with Tali? Get yourself out of here. _He looked around the underside of the pillar for a hand-hold, something he could lift up. There was none, so he dug underneath the underside to make himself two handholds. He started lift, his cybernetics kicking in.

Pain shot along his legs like a lightning bolt, and flooded his entire being with fire. Shepard cried out, and he released his grip on the pillar. _God-Damn that hurt _he blearily thought after the fog of pain had dissipated from his mind. _Still, gotta try again, or no Tali. _He looked around for a rock, or something to prop up the pillar once he had lifted it. He brought a large rock to his side. He once again got ready to lift. _Gotta lift, or I'll never see Tali again _he motivated himself, for she was a good a reason to survive as anything.

He lifted, pain shot along his legs like magma had been poured onto his nerves.

_Gotta lift, or I_ _won't see Tali._

He strained his muscles, the cybernetics kicking in. The pillar inched its way up. He felt like he was an ant under a giant microscope, with some kid focusing the heat of the sun onto him.

_Gotta lift, or won't see Tali._

He pushed himself to his limit of endurance and strength. He felt like he was being slowly dipped into the fires of hell, and the pain was stopping him thinking clearly.

_Gotta lift, or no Tali._

He pushed himself past his limit, to the place few know about, and fewer have experienced. The pain he was feeling transcended description in its magnitude. He just managed to get the rock underneath the pillar before he collapsed back down, his breathing heavy. He tried not to think about anything, to just focus on mustering the strength to crawl out the hole he had made.

_Can't think about anything else _he wearily thought _especially the fact that my legs look like human-pancake. _He dug his hands into the rubble around him, and heaved. Pain, that old friend of Shepard's, once again returned with a vengeance.

_Gotta keep going, or Tali's going to be alone._

The thought of that, of causing Tali such sadness, angered him. _I will not leave her again! _He angrily thought _I will not cause her that much pain! Not after everything we've been through and done, I will not die, in a GOD-DAMN RUBBLE HEAP!_

He carried on, one hand in front of the other, each step excruciating. But he had to keep going, for all higher functions had shut down, his entire being focused on the task of dragging his battered and mutilated body out of the rubble.

Once he got his head and shoulders out of the rubble, he collapsed in exhaustion, a cry of relief issuing from him as his chances of survival just increased ten-fold. If a search party or a salvage team could just see him, then he could get to hospital and make it. He could keep his promise. He was just starting to drift off when he heard something. It sounded like voices and rubble being moved. It was a search party.

It was one of the most beautiful things he had ever heard.

He snapped himself out of dozing, intending to crawl towards them. If they were going to rescue him, who was he not to help them? _Gotta keep going, or you're gonna break you're promise _his inner voice screamed at him almost mockingly. _I made a promise to her, and I'm a man of my word._

His arms burned as he dragged his broken lump of flesh out of the pit of rubble. His legs felt like the molten metal ammunition found in Reaper beam weapons. His entire body felt like one enormous burn.

_Gotta keep going, or Tali's gonna be sad._

He sent more strength to his arms, blocking out the pain in his legs with all his might. He couldn't pass out now, not when help was so near. He had to drag himself across the floor to get help, and passing out might just be a death sentence.

_Gotta keep going, or Tali will think you broke your promise._

Even with this thought, Shepard had no idea how he was still going, but even with Tali as a motivation, he was running out of strength. _No! Not now! _His thoughts screamed, as he felt the beginnings of passing-out _not when I have a future to live for! _As his vision started to grey, he saw flashlights, and people running towards him.

His last memory before passing out was of a dark-haired woman turning him over and uttering "My God, Shepard."

…

Admiral Hackett faced the camera. The camera was broadcasting his speech to the all troops of the Coalition. It was to be a moral boosting speech, after the devastation of the War, and was to mark the official start of the collaborative rebuilding process. However each of the races had been helping rebuild Earth for over a week now, including former members of Shepard's crew . He began slowly.

"The War is over. The Reapers have been defeated. Against all odds, and in the face of the greatest threat the galaxy has ever known, we survived. We suffered many losses, the relays are severely damaged, but we won." Hackett paused at this, his thoughts sadly drifting to the MIA status of the Normandy. He truly respected the people of that ship, and there loss saddened him.

"This victory belonged to each of us… every man, woman and child. Every civilisation…on every world." He paused again, thinking of the death that had been inflicted on every world, including Earth, his home.

"Now, as we take our first steps toward restoring what was lost, we must remember what it took to win." _It took the blood, sweat, tears, humiliation and grit of one man and his crew _he thought silently as he paused again.

"This wasn't a victory by a single fleet, a single army, or even a single species. If this war has taught us anything, it is that we are at our strongest when we work together." _He knew this, and he and his crew went above and beyond the call of duty to show us, and achieve this. _Hackett continued to muse, as he carried on speaking.

"And if we can put down our grievances long enough to stop something as powerful as the Reapers, imagine what we can achieve now that they are defeated. It will take time, but we can rebuild everything that was destroyed. Our homes, our worlds, our fleets and defences. All this and more. Together we can build a future greater than any one of us could imagine." _That was His dream. That was what he hoped for, and why he never gave up._

"A future paid for by the sacrifices of those who fought and died alongside us. A future that many will never see." _By His sacrifice, and a future that he will never see._

"And while we still have may challenges ahead of us… We can face them, together. And we will honour those who died, to give us that future." _Yes, we will honour Shepard and his memory. For what he fought for. For what he died for. _

The camera shut off. Hackett turned away and started walking to his ready room, a weary expression on his face. The loss of Shepard saddened him, for he of all people should have been able to see this future that they were building, for he was the one who made it all possible.

His Omni-tool went off. It was a report from Miranda Lawson about the search part sent to the Citadel. _A hopeless quest, but she seemed to believe in it _he thought bitterly _She was one of Shepard's, and I hadn't the heart to deny her such a small request. _Miranda had led a small search party onto the Citadel to look for survivors. Hackett knew its real purpose was to look for Shepard. He had humoured her.

He reached his ready-room, sat down and opened the report sent to him. What it contained caused him to question his whole outlook on faith in people.

…

_To: Fleet-Admiral Hackett, Alliance Command_

_From: Operative Lawson_

_Subject: URGJENT: Status Report_

_Citadel Secure. Survivors reported in the Wards. Massive collateral damage in Presidium. One confirmed Presidium survivor. Shepard._

…

Hackett stared at the holo-screen on his Omni-tool with an open jaw. _Shepard _he thought _he's alive. It's been a week and he's still alive! Absolutely nothing can kill him. _After the initial shock, his thoughts turnedpractical, the consummate leader he was. _We'll need to keep this quiet until his condition has stabilized. The Press cannot get wind of this. Not even former ground team can know until much later, if the press see them all leave their posts they'll follow._

He composed his orders, his mind still reeling.

…

_To: Operative Lawson_

_From: Fleet-Admiral Hackett, Alliance Command_

_Subject: Re: Status Report_

_Encryption: RECIPIENT'S EYES ONLY_

_Understood Operative. Will send Nav point for secluded field hospital for Shepard to be taken too._

_You must NOT INFORM ANYONE of his location. Including former ground team members. Must keep wind of his status secret, or press will swarm. Well done, and Thank you, you have done a great service to the Galaxy._

…

He sent the message off to Miranda. He did not like the fact that he had to hide his location to his friends, but it was necessary. His family however…

Hackett once again composed a message to one of his subordinates. An Alliance dreadnought captain. A certain mother of a hero.

…

Miranda stared contemplatively at the unconscious body of the man in-front of her. Her and the surgeons had just performed a 10-hour surgery on the battered body of this soldier, and his condition had stabilized. She was now standing next to his bed in the isolated field hospital specially set up for N7 patients, as those particular troops were receiving large amounts of publicity, and Alliance Command didn't want some of the more…unusual… operatives to be disturbed, and the critical patients left alone to recover and rehabilitate.

_Holy Shit. _Miranda was usually above such crude language, but that was the most appropriate word she could think of to describe the situation.

_This man had just been caught in the epicentre of an explosion that killed the Reapers, gets buried under an entire Citadels worth of rubble for a WEEK, AFTER getting shot at by a Reaper. And what does he do? He digs his way out after lifting his mangled legs from underneath a pillar, and CRAWLS his way out!_

Miranda was staring at him in disbelief. When Shepard had been rebuilt by Cerberus, the cybernetics in him were supposed to make him durable, but this was beyond anything she had ever seen. She didn't think anything could survive what he had been through, but he not only survived and completed the mission, but was now in a stable and recovering condition.

"Wow" she murmured under her breath "They just don't make men like Shepard anymore."

…

Hannah Shepard was stressed. The dreadnoughts of the Shield fleet were being used as temporary dry-docks for the Cruisers and Carriers of the Victory Fleet. This included her ship. She was having to organise the repair of a ship, carry out repairs on her own, write an action report for the battle to the Admiral of the Shield fleet, file casualty reports and compile letters to next of kin of those of her crew who died, if those next of kin even survived the war. On top of that, her son was declared Missing in Action.

She was not having a good day.

She was sat at her desk, typing at her computer with a scowl on her face and nursing a migraine, when her Omni-Tool chimed. She glanced at the notification. It was a message from Fleet-Admiral Hackett. She opened the message, and burst out into a huge smile. She cried out in relief.

Hackett had just sent her a message saying that her son had been found, and his condition was stable. She had been sent the Nav point for the secret N7 field hospital, and had been authorised 2 weeks leave of absence under the condition that she did not reveal the location to anyone.

She pressed the inter-com to her XO. "Simmons, I'm taking a leave of absence, urgent business. You have the Ship."

"Understood." came the reply.

Hannah stood and started packing for a two week leave of absence. Her mood was suddenly light, and she felt like screaming to the world that her son was alive, and how happy she was.

She was having a good day.

…

**Gentlemen & Gentleladies, that concludes Chapter 4!**

**I'm back!**

***Angry mob outside door that been in a lull for the past week to resupply sees me and screams and shouts.***

**I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me! I know that I lifted Hackett's destroy speech, but I liked it. And I know that there wasn't much fluff and romance in that Chapter, but this is in the context of the entire story, which will have lots of fluff!**

**Please Read & Review, your reviews motivate me, which means more Chapters for you! Which is good!**

**As always, I bid you all Good Day *doffs non-existent hat***

**-The Gentlemen Without a Hat**


	6. The Hard Part of Victory

**The Hard Part of Victory**

"_I told you I was ill!"  
- Spike Milligan's Epitaph_

…

_Shepard once again awoke in the now familiar fog that apparently consisted up the inside of his brain. _Not sure what that is supposed to say about me _Shepard amusedly thought _that my head is full of fog. _As he was chuckling to himself he noticed the difference from the previous two times. He was sitting upright rather than lying down, with his back straight and his legs crossed. The figure in front of him was doing much the same, with his hands on his lap, his whole body in the half-lotus position._

"_Thane." Shepard greeted, his feeling mixed._

"_Hello Commander." Thane greeted cheerfully, at least for him, with a serene expression on his face. "I would ask you what you are doing here, but this is _your _head, so perhaps you should be asking the same thing of me." He said amusedly._

_Shepard thought about the reason for his previous post-mortem talks. It wasn't hard to figure out his feelings towards Thane. Thane was an assassin, a cold-blooded contract killer. But despite that, he was one of the most moral men Shepard had ever encountered, rigidly sticking to his principles and belief system, for the one time he killed in anger, he had felt guilty. Shepard thought him a good man, and a friend. So to watch Thane get stabbed before his eyes, was emotionally excruciating_

_Shepard started to speak, but Thane beat him to it. "Come join me in meditation Commander." He invited. "And when you are ready to talk, and to ease the burden you are so obviously carrying, I will listen." Shepard was humbled by the kindness and sincerity in that offer. He sat in silence with Thane for a few minutes, but he needed to confess, and his guilt would not be contained._

"_I'm sorry Thane." He said sadly. "I really am sorry."_

"_For what, Commander?"_

"_You got stabbed while I just stood there and watched." Shepard exclaimed painfully. "I could've helped, I should've."_

_Thane's posture went rigid, his eyes glazed over, his breathing rapid._

"_Hand-to-hand combat. Opponent amateurish, sloppy, but own body, slowed. Fighting against own illness. Still, lives saved."_

_His posture relaxed, his breathing slowed and eyes focused again. Shepard was not startled or surprised, this was not the first time he had seen Thane slip into a memory-trance. Thane spoke again, more relaxed this time._

"_We were taught, as I imagine you were that one of the hardest kill shots to try and take is when the target is engaging in hand-to-hand with a friendly or civilian." Thane patiently explained "The vital points are constantly shifting, as well as the non-target constantly getting in the way of the line of fire. Training doctrine dictates to not take the shot, unless collateral death is an acceptable parameter. I imagine the Alliance train their soldiers to think that it isn't, and you off all people should know how hard a shot that was. Simply put, Commander, there was nothing you could have done." Thane smiled reassuringly at the end of that._

_Shepard still felt the gnaw and bite of the guilt he had been carrying. He wasn't convinced. "There were loads of things I could have done!" he exclaimed "I could've circled round to the side, I could have used biotics, I could have done SOMETHING!"_

_Thane's posture once again stiffened, eyes glazing over, breathing rapidly._

"_Opponent acrobatic, human Kung-Fu. Suddenly, a tactical cloak is activated. Opponent reveals himself, we charge down. Opponent's short-sword pierces lower left abdomen. Elapsed time from start of combat: 12 seconds."_

_Thane's posture relaxed again. He turned to the Commander, still with the serene smile on his face. "It happened to quickly, Commander. I even had the upper hand for the first part, so you would be forgiven for leaving it to me. As for the second part… he had a tactical cloak and a short sword, and his mission was _still _foiled by a terminally ill Drell, with about 3 months to live. So you see Commander, I was blessed with a good death, doing good deeds. I didn't have long to live, and I didn't want to die in a hospital coughing my lungs out of my mouth."_

"_Thane…" Shepard murmured, still sad. "You could have spent those last few months with Kolyat, being as happy as you can."_

"_Commander, during the Suicide Mission, when I said I could die with no regrets, I meant it. The same applied in that situation. I went to my death with no regrets, having chosen the best manner in which to cross the sea. Saving another life. Kalahira smiled on me that day Shepard, I could not have asked for more."_

_Shepard was stunned by Thane's speech. That was the happiest he had ever seen anyone when they faced their death. He looked Thane in the eye, grateful and feeling absolved. Thane looked back, a reassuring expression on the Drell's face._

"_Thank you… Thane. That really means a lot, and is a load off my mind." He said gratefully. He felt, lighter, somehow._

"_You're welcome, Commander. The only thing that I wish I could've done is attend your little party." Thane chuckled. "Still, I leave this life happy, having fulfilled my life's purpose. _You _on the other hand, have plenty more to live for."_

_Shepard smiled. "Goodbye, Thane."_

"_Goodbye…Shepard. We will meet again."_

Shepard awoke to relative comfort for the first time in a while. As he awoke he explored with his senses. He felt that he was covered in bandages, while lying on what appeared to be a cot. A hand was stroking his face. The room he was in smelled like a hospital, which was a damn sight better than ash and rubble and death. He could hear the muffled sound of voices, muffled probably by tent walls he guessed if he was in a field hospital cot. The air tasted…clean, that was the only way to describe hospital air. After this exploration of his surroundings, after instinctively judging himself not in danger, he opened his eyes.

The roof above him was tent, he was in a field hospital. It was well lit and he could see that he was in a room, the whole tent presumably divided into subsections to give soldiers some privacy. He looked to his left and saw a familiar face.

His Mother.

"Hi Mom." He managed to croak out, his throat parched.

A smile lit up her face. She quickly reached down and hugged him harder than Grunt had bear-hugged him during one of his training sessions aboard the Normandy. Shepard winced, but chuckled and returned the hug.

"Mom… bandages."

She released the hug, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "Oh my baby…" She started fussing over him.

"Mom… seriously… Mom… Stop!" he cried out laughing to himself the whole time, as the hard-arsed dreadnought captain in front of him became a mother hen fussing over her child.

"You're alive John…" she choked out, her smile threatening to split her face. Shepard turned more serious, but still warm and sympathetic.

"How long Mom?" he asked.

She wiped her eyes, and took on the same expression as her son. "You were missing for a week. The whole chain of command was in disarray, and your crewman, Miranda, had to personally ask Admiral Hackett for people to search the Citadel."

_Hmm _Shepard thought _I'll have to thank Miranda later for saving my life, again. _Shepard took Hannah's hand, and squeezed it reassuringly. Hannah smiled at her son's thoughtfulness, her emotions still turbulent after thinking her son was dead and learning he was alive, again. Suck kindness was a trait she saw a lot when he was growing up. It was so _him._

"Where am I?" Shepard asked.

"You're in a specially isolated field hospital for N7 operatives." A look familiar to Hannah crossed his face. It was the look he got whenever he exercised his legendary modesty "No, John, you are not getting special treatment, The N7's are here because all of them are quite famous for their exploits during the War, and Hackett wanted them to recover and rehabilitate in peace. You are only here because you are N7."

That eased Shepard's mind. He didn't want to get special treatment, not after the sacrifice of all the people he knew who wouldn't see this peace. A question still burned on his mind though.

"Where are my crew?" he asked. He knew their loyalty to him, and had expected them to be the first to visit him.

"You're former crew stationed on Earth, with the exception of Miranda, who is overseeing your recovery personally, have not been told of your location." When a look of outrage crossed his face she quickly continued. "They have been notified you are alive, but have been told that you are being kept in an undisclosed location until you recover. They are stationed all over Earth, helping with the rebuilding, and if the press saw that they all left their posts, they might follow, and disturb all the other N7s."

Her argument made sense to Shepard, and he was placated. But she was reluctant to tell him something, he could tell by the look that crossed her face when he asked about the crew. A sinking feeling started to appear in Shepard's stomach.

"I understand." He said neutrally. "What about the Normandy?"

Hannah's face fell. She wanted to spare her son this pain, but it was inevitable. "The Normandy… been… declared MIA. It vanished when it jumped the Sol relay when the Crucible fired."

Shepard's entire mood crumbled. His face fell, and his whole demeanour became noticeably sadder. This tore at Hannah's heart. She knew how attached her son became to his friends, and how torn up he was every time she was reassigned. She had also received his letter, just before the attack at Cronus Station.

"The Comm buoys are down, and the relays are heavily damaged, so it could be that the Normandy and all the frigates and light cruisers that jumped the relay are simply stuck there with no way of communicating with us."

Shepard's face lightened, but only slightly. "Or there all dead. Garrus, dead. Liara, dead. Joker, Kaiden, Chackwas, dead. Tali…" he trailed off, not wanting his thoughts to go down that particular road.

Hannah was distraught. The pain that had crossed his face when he mentioned 'Tali', it was an expression she had never seen on her son's face before, that amount of pain. She needed to lighten his mood. "We don't know that, no one has found their bodies or wreckage, and until… IF… they do, we can hope."

Shepard didn't seem convinced, so she tried another tack to get his mind off sad things. "I got your letter just before the battle." She opened.

It worked, his eyes snapped to hers, his expression guarded and unreadable, while his eyes scanned her face. She kept a neutral and straight face for as long as she could, before she burst out laughing. This puzzled Shepard.

"Oh my…" she said, still laughing. "You thought I might not approve…" she broke down hysterically again. Shepard tried to keep a straight face, but the corner of his mouth twitched.

"I hoped you wouldn't." he said sheepishly, a grin appearing on her face.

"And why's that?" she said, once she got her laughing under control. "You told me in that letter that you 'loved' her. That's the first time you've said that about one of your lady-friends." His eyebrows shot-up "Oh don't look at me like that, I know about your _previous _relationships. I listen to the scuttle-butt on Arcturus you know. You never even brought them round to meet me, or told me about them, and here you are in this letter, speaking of love. Any girl who can capture my son's heart like that is worthy of my good-books." She said with a smile at the end.

Shepard's face once again became guarded. "That… wasn't why I thought you might not approve." He said, hesitantly. Hannah cocked her head to the side, with an unspoken question. "The thing is you see… she's a… Quarian."

Hannah's eyebrows shot up. This was… unexpected. "Really?" she asked curiously.

Shepard looked his mum in the eye, his resolute conviction and sincerity apparent. "I fell for her before I even knew what she looked like Mom. She is the most fantastic woman I have ever met. She's smart, funny, kind, and beautiful. Yes, Mom, I know what she looks like. She can be with me without dying, and while precautions were needed, it was worth it. I love her, with all my heart, and she's gone, along with the Normandy and everyone on it." His face fell at that last comment, his thoughts going back to their parting. _Come back to me…_

Hannah was saddened, and delighted at the same time. Saddened, because her son's thoughts had gone back to sorrow. Delighted, however, because her son had finally fallen in love, and she sounded like a wonderful lady.

A smile broke out on her face. "She sounds like a wonderful lady. I would love to meet her one day." She said, sympathetically.

A small smile appeared on Shepard's face. "Thanks, Mom. That means a lot."

"You're welcome, sweetie. I'm glad that you found that kind of happiness."

Miranda walked in at that point. She looked regretful at what she had to do. "Captain Shepard? I'm sorry, but visiting hours are coming to a close. I hate to kick you out, but this is a hospital." She looked genuinely regretful as she said that.

Hannah turned to her. "It's okay, we were just about done." She chuckled to herself. "If we had talked any longer I might have started fussing again, and he wouldn't have liked that." She gave her son one last hug and kiss, and got up to leave. Before she left the flap of a door that was his room, she turned.

"Get well soon sweetie."

"Thanks."

…

Shepard watched his mother leave. He was glad she stopped by, it was a nice conversation they had. He was also glad she approved of Tali, despite her being Quarian. _Still _his darker thoughts spoke _what's the point? She's dead anyway. Your mother approves of a dead girl. _He shook his head to clear himself of such dark thoughts. He had not succumbed to them before, and he would not now. His thoughts were interrupted when Miranda came over to check up on him.

"How are you feeling Shepard?"

"Like Reaper Shit." Was his blunt response.

"Understandable, you were covered, neck-to-toe, in third degree burns. Luckily, your armour absorbed most of the damage, however, it fused to your skin, causing massive burning. We had to do a massive skin graft operation when we removed it. Then there were the other injuries, such as…" Shepard had finally tuned out by that point, only half listening. His thought resumed from his previous musings.

_That's a good point though _he thought _can't get my hopes up. I know first-hand what happens to 'missing' ships. Thinking she's dead will make it easier when they confirm it, or when she doesn't come back._

"… -and while your cybernetics may accelerate the healing process, I'd advise minimal movement for the next week and a half. Shepard, are you even listening to me?!" she asked indignantly.

"Yeah, sure. I was covered in third degree burns from Harbinger's laser as well as the explosion on the Citadel. A large piece of shrapnel had to be removed from my lower abdomen, and I was covered in lacerations as well as breaking all of my ribs. However, the worst part was my legs were crushed." He gestured to the thick casts that encased his legs. "And that the only reason my legs were not amputated were that my carbon-fibre-weave bones meant that they shattered into manageable fragments, and that my healing implants managed to recover them and form a sort of splint with them. I should be up in crutches by next week." All this was recited with perfect clarity and without hesitation.

Miranda sighed, aggravated that she couldn't get mad at him. "Yes, well, remember that, you are not to get out of this bed for the next week and a half. If I find that you have left your bed I will sedate you for a month, we clear?" she said with no malice in her voice.

Shepard chuckled to himself. "Yes ma'am." He laughed.

Miranda smiled. "It's good that you're alive Shepard. After everything, you deserve it. You give a lot of people hope. Get well soon." She turned and left.

Before he could wallow in sadness again, the flap opened again. An absolute bear of a man walked in with bandages round his head and waist. He looked saw Shepard, and grinned. He sat down a cot near the door that Shepard hadn't noticed.

"Ah, so I get Commander Shepard as my roommate. Nice." His voice had a British accent, with no particular regional aspects about it. This huge man held out his hand.

"Leonard Small." Shepard shook his hand. "People call me 'Lennie'. My squad call-sign is 'Mouse', 'cause the squad leader took one look at me, and said 'Well ain't you a tiny little mouse', and laughed her arse off for ten-minutes. Damn Yank, hell of a captain though." He chuckled, as did Shepard.

"What'd you do in the War?" Shepard asked.

"I was the Gunner in 'Delta' squad. You see, Admiral Hackett had set up these elite Reaper-killer squads. Got a bunch of people in them too. I'm sure you heard about the 'N7 operations' that went on." Shepard nodded. He had, he heard that they held off Reaper ground troops on at key points on planets vital to the war effort. "Yeah well, we were the actual N7s in that operation. Don't get me wrong, the other squads had some terrific soldiers, they were a bunch of good people. But we were the ones that had actually done time at The Villa."

"I see, how'd you end up here?" he asked

"Yeah, it was during the final push on Earth. We were clearing out some building on the flank of the main Hammer force. I was laying down fire in my 'Destroyer' suit, best damn machine the Alliance ever made. Anyway, I was giving it to a banshee who was harassing our sentinel, when all of a sudden, this Brute charges into my side. Damn fucker was as quiet as ghost. So anyway, this big bastard knocks me down, and breaks most of my ribs and knocks my head in process."

"So how'd you get out?" Shepard asked, genuinely curious and amused by this soldier.

"Right, so, I'm knocked down, seeing stars in-front of my face, thinking I'm about to be turned into N7 pancake. Then out of nowhere, our squads vanguard steps in front of me. Now he's this Japanese samurai-turned-soldier type. Hell of a fighter, but he's got some quirks. So anyway, he just steps in-front of the Brute, and stabs it in the face with his sword. I used to make fun of that sword, I never will again. Anyway, He helps me up, and in complete deadpan I kid you not, he says: 'Next time, shoot the Brute instead of trying to play Rugby with it. Smartarse."

Shepard burst out laughing. That was the funniest war story he had heard in a long time. This man could give Zaeed a run for his money. That story cheered him up.

"Thanks" he said, ignoring the pain in his ribs. "I really needed that. I haven't heard a story like that since I went for a chat with Zaeed. His stories are far less funny though.

"Thanks." Lennie said "Although I doubt my stories could compare with yours, _Hero of Elysium_." He laughed at that.

Shepard laughed as well. "You're damn right whelp, I got the best stories." They were both roaring with laughter now. They both started trading stories, Shepard always outclassing Lennie, but Lennie telling some hilarious stories. Shepard told him about the suicide mission, Lennie told him about a story about when he ran about of ammo, and had to _beat _a banshee to death. They continued trading stories about their time in the war.

"… And so then Garrus says 'So their Marines can beat someone in Hand-to-hand combat drills'."

Lennie burst out laughing. "Say Commander…"

"Please, call me Shepard, my friends do."

"Thanks. Anyway, Shepard, sounds like you've got some interesting friends." He said with a smile.

"Yeah, that I do."

"Got anyone special?" he smirked "What about that, what's-her-name, Miranda lady. I didn't think women came like that anymore." He chuckled to himself.

Shepard's face started to fall. "Go ahead, Miranda's not my girlfriend."

"What! Seriously?! Dude, that is the _finest_ arse I have _ever_ had the privilege of seeing. You're telling me that she is _not _your girlfriend?!"

"She's not my girlfriend Lennie." Shepard said with melancholy.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Lennie asked sympathetically "Did your girlfriend leave you?"

Shepard looked up at Lennie with a broken expression on his face. "No, she's dead."

He turned over in his cot, away from Lennie, and tried to get some rest.

…

Kaidan was worried. He was currently working with Tali on some of the circuitry in the wing. Her behaviour scared him. She wasn't being melancholy anymore, refusing to talk to people and dashing up to her room half the time. To someone who didn't know her she appeared sad, but alright and recovering.

But Kaidan knew her. He knew that this was just a front, that after Javik's talk with her, she was just bottling up the sadness and emotion and trying to ignore it. She was trying to act like she was on the road to recovery, but Kaidan had observed her. He had watched her gradual decline back into the demeanour she had just after the crash. It was a slow process, but Kaidan was observing. Tali was bottling up, and soon it would all just gush out.

That scared Kaidan.

"Okay, that's enough for today. Let's go in and grab some food." said Tali.

Kaidan went inside and to the Crew deck. He looked around the crew deck. James and Cortez were at the table eating their dinner. Joker was probably on the bridge, he usually was. Liara and Javik were talking to each other. The various other members of the crew were milling about and talking. Liara went up to fetch something. As she did, Javik caught Kaidan's eye with a knowing look in his own. He turned his head towards the main battery, and then nodded at Kaidan. Kaidan nodded back. _With his sensory powers, he probably already knows what I am thinking. _

He headed off towards the battery. The doors opened, and Garrus could be seen fiddling with some wires down by the main gun, his rations next to him. Garrus turned to Kaidan.

"Hey Kaidan, what's up?" he asked

Kaidan glanced behind him and walked up to Garrus. "I'm worried about Tali." He said seriously.

Garrus' expression turned sombre. "You've seen it too?" he asked

Kaidan nodded. "Garrus, I'm scared. She's bottling up all these emotions, trying to soldier on. Whenever I hint at my concern, she just smiles and says she is fine. One day, those emotions are going to boil over, and I'm scared at what will happen."

Garrus sighed. "My thoughts exactly. However, if we tell her to let it out, she'll just go back to how she was before. She has been completely broken by this, Kaidan. His death hit her the hardest, as you can imagine."

"What are we going to do Garrus?" Kaidan asked.

"We are going to watch her, and make sure that if they find Shepard, Tali will be there to see it."

…

**Gentlemen & Gentleladies, that concludes Chapter 5**

**I really wanted to make this story 20k words before I went on holiday, but the fates conspired against me, and we had a power cut that lasted until the afternoon of the next day. Tomorrow I go on Holiday!**

***Angry mob outside my house that has been organising itself into a coherent fighting force screams and shouts***

**I'm sorry, and as an apology, I've given you two chapters in one update. After next week it will be one chapter per update, every week until Easter. I don't know what will happen at Easter as I have exams to revise for.**

**A virtual Top hat and monocle shall go to anyone who names the reference I put in. The last one was very obscure I will admit, but this one is a lot easier.**

**Please Read & Review, your reviews motivate me, which means more chapters, which is beneficial to you.**

**As always, I bid you all Good Day *doffs non-existent hat***

**-The Gentlemen Without a Hat**


	7. Every Man Thinks He is Right

**Every Man Thinks He is Right **

"_Don't get the impression that you arouse my anger.  
You see, one can only be angry with one he respects."  
- Richard Nixon_

…

There was a street party in the little English village near the N7 field hospital. Shepard sat at the edge of the festivities, so as to be away from prying eyes and well-wishers. After all, this was most likely a celebration of the victory over the Reapers.

So he sat there in a wheelchair, a glass of whiskey in one hand, watching the happy people under the street lights. It had been five days since he woke up in the hospital and he'd been allowed out, but he still couldn't walk, so he used a wheel chair. He couldn't get up and join in the crowd, and he didn't particularly feel like being the centre of attention and conversation. He was happy for them, but he wanted to be left alone to think. He pulled his jacket and hood closer.

_Parties aren't that great _He thought _unless you have your friends there._

Paradoxically to his glum thoughts, a small, genuine smile emerged on his face, as he watched these people celebrate simply being alive. He took a sip from his drink.

_It's good that these people are happy. A couple of months ago they almost certainly wouldn't have._

He carried on smiling as he watched the crowd. Lennie, un-missable in this crowd, was talking to one of the village girls. She was smiling, and looked quite charmed. He looked around, and saw other N7s, even the non-humans, getting along with all the locals.

_If what happened caused us all to get along better, than it was worth it. _He smiled to himself, his heart warming at these thoughts, before darkening again. _Their sacrifice was worth it._

The voice of a stranger snapped him out of his thoughts. There were two men walking down the street that he had placed his wheelchair on, and he could hear one of them talking to the other.

"… -ese damn Squids and Birds, calling themselves N7s! It's not right, these _aliens _walking around like they are one of us! Look, a Lizard, a Suit-rat, and fuck me, is that a fucking Blink! I tell you…"

As he and his friend walked passed Shepard, apparently oblivious to the hooded man in the wheelchair, he stuck a foot out in front of the speaker. He did it on pure reflex, almost not even realising he was tripping over this racist. He didn't turn to the man he tripped up, he wasn't worth it, and he carried on watching the party.

The man in question fell onto his face. After his friend helped pick him up, they turned to the hooded man in the wheelchair. "Hey, watch it!" they shouted indignantly at him. They couldn't see his face due to the shadows cast by the man's hood, but his lack of reaction only made them angry.

"Oi, Down Syndrome! You got shit in your ears?!" The man continued to ignore him. Now maybe they had a bit too much to drink, or maybe they were that special kind of stupid to try and provoke a man wearing an N7 leather jacket, even if he was in a wheelchair, But they proceeded to walk right up to him and confront him.

"Oi, retard! When I say something you…" the man pulled down Shepard's hood, and stood shocked when he saw who it was. Shepard just looked at him with one eye brow raised.

Now perhaps they were stupid, because the man's friend obviously thinking a 2-to-1 advantage was a help against Shepard, decided to step in. He walked right up to Shepard and tried to fix him with his most threatening gaze.

"Fucking idiot, you tryin' to start something Crips?" the man laughed at his own joke "You wanna fight? Ha, come on, stand up then. Oh wait." The man continued to laugh.

The first speaker carried on. "What you gonna do Crips? Crawl at us?" He burst out laughing at his own joke as well. Shepard continued to give them an unamused look, completely unfazed. While the first man continued to laugh at his crawling joke, an unseen assailant gave him a blow to the head, causing his eyes to roll up into the back of his head and for him to collapse. The second man sobered up, and looked around wildly for this apparent ghost that had knocked his friend unconscious. His eyes then rolled up into to back of his head, as the same fate befell him. Shepard chuckled.

"Thanks, Kasumi." He said, highly amused.

Kasumi Goto de-cloaked in front of him, a grin on her face. "Anytime, Shep." She started dragging the bodies over to wall by the side of the pavement. "I gotta ask though, how'd you know I was there?"

Shepard chuckled. "What, to help out with these two? I didn't."

Kasumi laughed in disbelief as she dragged the second body over. "So why the hell did you pick a fight with them Shep?" she laughed again.

"I didn't." he continued amusedly. "They were walking down the street, talking and being racist, and I just sorta… stuck my foot out on reflex." He chuckled sheepishly

Kasumi laughed out loud. "Trust you to pick a righteous fight with two reasonably able bodied men, while confined to a wheelchair."

Shepard looked over to where she had arranged the bodies. They were both slumped against the wall out cold, one on the others lap, the other giving the former a very intimate cuddle. A hilarious and compromising position. Shepard guffawed at Kasumi's humour, while she just grinned.

"So how did you find this secret and undisclosed location to come and visit me?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

She smiled slyly "Aw c'mon Shep, you know me. Secrets don't stay very secret for long around me." She replied amusedly.

Shepard chuckled, that was very true of Kasumi. He watched Kasumi go over to the nearest table and bring a chair over. She sat down next to Shepard and joined him in his watching of the festivities. She paused

"So… we did it."

"Yeah… we did." Another pause.

"So… how have you been?" she asked tentatively

"Good, really." He replied nonchalantly

She snorted in humour. "No seriously Shep, how do you _really _feel? And not just what you used to tell us during the good ole days of the Suicide Mission." Shepard snorted into his drink at that last comment. _Must have been dark days when a suicide mission becomes 'good times'._

"Honestly? I feel like one of Grunt's ration packs, _after _he has eaten it."

Kasumi laughed. "That's an elaborate way of saying like shit, Shep."

Shepard also laughed as well. "Yeah and that's just the injuries, I spent a week under a pile of rubble. _A week!" _

"I heard about that, thought to myself 'Only Shep would do something so unnecessarily spectacular', you just have to make an entrance don't you?" she was really laughing now.

"I'm flattered, Kasumi." He was laughing as well. After she had sobered up she turned to Shepard, an uncharacteristically serious look in her eye.

"And other than your injuries?" she asked, the hesitation in her voice betraying the fact that she was walking on matchsticks here. Shepard's face fell, he knew what she was asking.

"The Normandy is MIA." He said flatly. He didn't need to say anymore, she knew what that meant. A look of sympathy crossed her face, and her hand went onto his arm.

"Shep…"

"Save it Kasumi, my mom has already talked to me. I don't want to talk about it." He said tersely.

Kasumi fell quiet. She didn't blame him for the outburst, she of all people knew what he was going through. Instead she went to change the subject in the most typically Kasumi way possible. By doing the unexpected.

"Here you go Shep." She handed him a package covered in Holly wrapping paper.

"Uh… Kasumi?"

"Merry Christmas Shepard!" she exclaimed happily

"It's Christmas?" he asked. It suddenly dawned on him there and then, he didn't even know what the date was today, he had so much on his mind during the War.

"It's Christmas Eve, Shep, but I thought I might give you yours early." She smiled.

Shepard removed the wrapping paper on the box and opened the box. Inside were a combat knife and a slab of chocolate. He raised his eyebrows in surprise. Kasumi started to speak.

"Let me explain. I'd like to say I know you quite well Shep." He nodded. "And knowing you, you wouldn't feel safe without some kind weapon with you. Now, I've seen you with that _Omni-blade._" She said the name in disgust. "So you know what you are doing, but I have never seen you with a proper weapon. It's a good knife, trust me, I'm Japanese and my family were samurai."

Shepard laughed at this, and tucked the knife and sheath into his wheelchair. "Arigato, then." Kasumi chortled at this, "and the chocolate?"

"You're Alliance Shepard, your first taste of real food since enlisting was probably on one of those dates with Tali you went on." Her eyes widened fractionally as she realised what she said, but Shepard didn't seem to have been affected.

"Actually there was a party after I graduated as N7 from the Villa, but that was years ago." He said fondly, remembering the good times

Kasumi smiled with him, glad to see him happy. "Regardless, you've saved the galaxy three times now in the most spectacular way possible. You deserve a treat now and then."

He broke off two pieces, gave one to Kasumi, put the other in his mouth and pocketed the rest. "Well if that's what I have to do to get chocolate around here, then I'll savour it." They both laughed, their hearts gladdened by the easy humour that flows between old friends. Kasumi stood up.

"Take care, Wheels. Get well soon and enjoy yourself. It's Christmas." She walked off to join the party and talk with the N7s. She was glad she had cheered up Shepard, he needed it. As she walked off, Shepard's thoughts resumed their previous track.

He wondered what Tali would think of Christmas.

…

It was the day after Boxing Day, and Shepard was in crutches, having finally left the wheelchair. He had braces on both his legs, and couldn't really go faster than normal walking pace, but it was bliss to Shepard.

_I swear to God, if I had spent one more day in that Spirits-Damned chair I would have snapped and killed someone._

He was walking down the street of the quaint little village, it was early morning but there were still people going about their business. When they saw him they pointed and stared, but had the common decency to leave him in peace. The Alliance had also briefed each person in the village to not go to the press, so he could walk down the street without being mobbed by galactic media. For both of these things he was eternally grateful for. But, as is the way with such things, all good things must end.

"Oh my God! Commander Shepard!" A man in front of him called out as he was walking along. Shepard sighed wearily, he couldn't be bothered with this. The man came up to him and held his hand out.

"Commander Shepard, Cornell Hanson." He introduced himself. "It is my supreme pleasure to meet you."

Shepard didn't take the hand, and it was retracted instantly with no outward sign of offence. "Do I know you?" Shepard said bluntly, frowning in annoyance.

Hanson was still smiling, unfazed by this cold shoulder. "We've never met, but I have always wanted to meet with you."

"How did you find me?" _God, if he is a reporter, or worse, he told my location to the press…_

Hanson, apparently not stupid, guessed his concern. "Don't worry, The Press don't know your location. I live here you see, so our meeting was purely chance." Shepard breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay, so you want an autograph…?" Shepard asked

"Oh good gracious, no. You're a busy man" Shepard raised his eyebrow but said nothing. "so I don't want to waste your time with something mundane, I want to talk business."

Shepard's internal alarms started going off. He was getting a bad vibe from this man, and he trusted his instincts. Hanson's demeanour, eloquence and just general presence reeked of… something. He couldn't tell exactly, but this man seemed to be a…

"You see, I'm the Head of the Terra Firma party, and I'll be running for the post of councillor soon."

… Politician.

Shepard internally groaned. He didn't have time for politicians, few soldiers do. But after his own personal experiences with them, he couldn't care less if one thought it was nice to see him for once. He had better things to do then to listen to a sycophant try and curry his favour. _Terra Firma, Man's a racist then, not quite Cerberus, but still enough to be placed in the 'Fuck You' category of the John Shepard Guide to People _came Shepard's immediate thoughts.

"… and with your support, I believe we could both go far." Apparently he had been speaking and Shepard hadn't listened, neither had he wanted to.

"I'll be blunt Hanson, I don't like your party. I had you pegged as smart, but if you think I'm going to support a pro-human group after I united the galaxy to survive what we went through, then you're dumber than I thought " He stated, then moved to go past him. Hanson stepped in the way.

"Commander, you have always been a strong advocate for getting things done. I assure you, with your help, we can make that happen. With Humanity in a position of power, we can assert our rights as the strongest race. I mean, a human just defeated the Reapers! Those aliens will be crawling over themselves to please us!"

To Hanson, Shepard was a blur of motion. Seemingly unaffected by his leg braces and crutches, Shepard grabbed the man by his throat and pinned him against the wall of the building next to him. The expression on Shepard's face was one that had made Krogan from Omega back down in fear.

"You listen to me and you listen good." Shepard's tone was murderous, one false move on Hanson's part and blood would be spilled it told him. "Some of my closest friends are aliens. I couldn't have done the things I did without them. They're good people, people who would fight to the death to protect others. I have watched friends give their _lives, _to help other races, races they have no obligation to or are supposed to hate. They did it because people needed their help, and it was the right thing to. And to have you stand there and arrogantly spout off your 'humanity is the best' varren-shit, is an insult to all their memories. Fuck you, you egotistical piece of shit!" Hanson's face was turning purple, and there was a raw, animalistic fear in his eyes that only comes by staring death in the face.

Shepard could feel the man's windpipe underneath his grip. All he had to do was squeeze and he could crush it. Hell, with his cybernetics, he might be able to rip it out entirely, coat the pavement with this pig's blood. His darker nature wanted to do it, and it was close to the surface.

_Be the better man, John._

That familiar, comforting voice brought him back to his moral compass. He let go of Hanson's windpipe, the man slumped down against the wall spluttering. Shepard picked up his fallen crutch and walked away, his mood stormy. As he walked down the street, he heard foot steps behind him.

"John wait." Hannah called out.

He continued walking. He didn't want a lecture on proper behaviour. She caught up with him, and started walking alongside him. "I heard what he said, he had that coming to him." Shepard kept on walking in silence. "Was this because of Tali?" she asked

Shepard stopped and whirled to face his mother, a fiery expression on his face. "My best friend is a Turian and my Girlfriend is Quarian." His voice kept getting louder and louder as he vented his anger "Hell, my closest female friend is an Asari, another close friend was a Salarian, and out of the two Krogan I've befriended, one I practically _raised _for the first six months of his life, and the other was inspired by my friendship to form the Krogan Union. Hell, I even made friends with the first living Prothean seen in 50,000 years!" his shoulders slumped as all the anger left him.

"So what is this about?" Hannah asked, not blaming him for his outburst.

Shepard sighed. "Other races have become key parts of my life, Mom. So it riles me up when I see a member of my own race so blatantly closed-minded and arrogant like that."

Hannah sighed and did the only thing she could. She gave him a hug. Shepard accepted the hug gratefully, as only a person could when it was their mum. Hannah was worried about her son. It seemed that the only real emotion she seemed to get out of him other than melancholy and sadness was anger. She didn't like what this foreshadowed. It was eerily similar to when her own husband had died. Back then, she had a child to take care of, to be there for. That was what kept her going, having to be there for John, and it was him that finally allowed her to get past her grief and carry on living her life. But John was a very isolated man. He didn't have anyone like that.

And that terrified her.

…

**Gentlemen and Gentleladies, that concludes Chapter Six!**

***Angry Mob outside my door that had apparently gone into hibernation during the waiting period awaken once again and start screaming and banging their weapons together***

**I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me! I went abroad this holiday, and then the two weeks after I came back were hectic so I didn't get a chance to do anything.**

**I'll be blunt though. The more reviews I get, the faster this story writes itself. I mean, shout out to kill-phil for his wonderful reviews, but one review per post when I can see perhaps 400 people looking at this story gives me mixed feelings. PLEASE REVIEW, EVEN IF IT IS CRITICISIM, it helps a lot.**

**More bad news, in six weeks I have exams, so between now and then I'll try and get this story going, but after that, I have to revise, sorry.**

**Good news though, not many chapters left till some honest-to-god romance! Let's hear the cheer!**

***cicadas chirp, tumbleweed floats around***

**As Always, I bid you all Good Day *doffs non-existent hat***

**-The Gentlemen Without A Hat**


	8. In my Heart

**In my Heart**

"_There was a hole."  
-Legion_

…

Commander John Shepard, The Lion of Elysium, Hero of the Battle of the Citadel, Omega of the Collectors, Destroyer of the Reapers, and the Saviour of the Galaxy, did not like meetings.

After the Alliance brass had got wind that Shepard was no longer in a wheelchair, they wasted no time in carting him off to London so that the Brass could get hold of him. Even Hackett couldn't stop the bureaucrats and career admirals from engulfing him in their briefings and debriefings and meetings and god knows what else. All top-secret, of course, so he didn't even get the luxury of seeing his old teammates again. So that was the reason why Shepard was sitting at a table in Alliance headquarters staring out of a window, watching a repair crew in their removal of a Reaper corpse.

"Commander, are you even listening?" that annoying voice coming from one of the admirals, he couldn't even remember his name, brought him back to the boardroom. Shepard's head snapped round, a look of boredom and barely disguised disdain on his face.

"With all due respect, Admiral, no." came Shepard's dull voiced reply. Hackett flashed him a quick look of sympathy that said 'I feel your pain as well'. _We're both soldiers stuck in a boardroom. _Shepard mused.

Annoyance flashed across the speaker's face. Shepard, being the three-time saviour of the galaxy, was in a position of respect, and power, orders of magnitude above his own. To reprimand him would be to lose face.

"Please, try and concentrate." He sighed. "Now, back to the matter at hand, Commander. We were discussing whether to let the Quarians take over a number of our factories here in London to turn them into temporary food sterilization plant. They claim that their 'live-ships'" the annoying admiral used finger quotations, his voice dripping with scepticism "were left behind along with the civilian population on Rannoch, and they need these factories to feed their remaining forces until the relay is back up. What is your opinion on this, Commander?"

_Is this a joke? Is this man actually serious? _"Really?" Shepard asked with disdain "Are you seriously asking me whether I would deny food to one of our allies, a race I personally hugely respect? Why the f-" his mother, also present at the meeting being Admiral of the Shield fleet, flashed him a warning look. He corrected himself "Why in the Nine Hells would I do that? Of course I say yes!"

The Admiral in question looked like he was about to retort, but a warning look from both Hackett and Hannah made him consider the fact that he had personally aroused Shepard's ire. He simply nodded.

And so Shepard continued to stare out of the window, and the brass continued to torture Hackett by discussing mindless and trivial things while civilians made their homes in the rubble, and Hannah continued to glance over at her son, the concern of a mother who watches her son become emotionally dead in her eyes.

…

"You wanted to see me sir?" Shepard asked neutrally.

After the meeting he had been called into Admiral Hackett's office. Shepard assumed it was because of his… less than respectful conduct in the meeting, although Hackett seemed just as bored, so the reason still perplexed him. Hackett gave him a pained look at his greeting.

"Drop the 'Sir' crap Shepard, I'd like to think we are at least friends."

"Okay Hackett, what's this about?"

Hackett looked at him warily and sympathetically. Even he could see the effect the MIA status of the Normandy was having on the man. He was usually so full of determination and energy. The man in front of him was tired, and done with all the crap the universe had thrown at him.

"Asari technicians have just reported that the Charon relay is back online, and that while we can make the jump to Arcturus and back, the rest of the network is down. However, a large portion of the comm-buoy network is back up."

Shepard had a feeling where this was going, but he was in a stubborn mood. "And…?"

"We're recording a general broadcast, missing ship notice." He started warily. He'd heard of some of the confrontations the Commander had gotten into while here in London. Most had started over the mention of the Normandy. "We'd… I'd like you to record a message. It's your ship after all."

Shepard cocked his head to the side. The Alliance didn't usually go to this length, and when they did, they used a standard issue message. "Why?" he asked, his voice guardedly neutral "It's an Alliance Ship, use the Alliance standard message." Thinking about the Normandy only brought him pain.

Hackett snorted in dark amusement "Shepard, we didn't have any more control of what you did with that ship any more than Cerberus did. I'm not talking about your spectre status. I'm saying that, during the War, you were a juggernaut. You did what you want, and we didn't try to stop you, because the people you recruited to help you and us, they were loyal to _you_, not the Alliance. The Victory fleet was always _your _fleet. It was always _your _ship."

Hackett gave him a meaningful look "And I think it would be more appropriate to have _your _voice guide them home, than ours. Don't you think?"

_If they're even still alive _Shepard thought darkly. Still, it was a magnanimous gesture, one he was grateful for. Hackett opened up his Omni-tool and set it to record. Shepard started speaking the first thing that sprang to mind.

"This is Staff Commander John Shepard, Captain of the SSV Normandy SR-2. My ship is currently listed as MIA beyond the Charon Relay. To any ship that receives this message, the Systems Alliance, and me personally, would be very grateful in any information pertaining to the Normandy's condition and location. If the Normandy is receiving this, come home, please. It's too quiet to make this a victory."

…

_The sensation of solidifying from an amorphous mist of pure Shepard was… intriguing, to say the least. Shepard look around the all too familiar landscape of his own head and waited for what he knew would come next._

"_Hm, fascinating. Transition from dead to living not at all problematic." The familiar voice was both welcome and painful at the same time. "Wait, no, still dead. Am something else. A VI? No, am self-aware. An AI? Possibly, however, unlikely, as no tertiary awareness, but not a disproof." As usual, he talked at a blindingly rapid pace. "Wait, surroundings. Not physical, but constructed? A psychological construct? Yes, but who? Ah…" a look of realisation came over his face, one that he always wore when he reached a solution. It was something he enjoyed doing. _

"_Hello, John Shepard." Greeted Mordin, at a slower, easier to understand pace._

"_Mordin, it so good to see you again." Shepard greeted, genuinely but with pain underneath._

"_John, may call you John? Am in your head after all. Never did tell me your first name." he said with amusement. "You sound guilty. Can take guess as to why, aware of your various complexes." _ He was always concise and to the point, Mordin _Shepard thought _that's one of the reasons I liked him so much.

_Mordin's expression turned sympathetic. "John, it was my choice to go like that. Was in my fifties, was not long for this life regardless. I believe you understand, as a soldier, my choice."_

_Shepard was still sad about it, but he did understand. He just needed someone to remind him, and who better than the man himself. "Yeah Mordin, I do understand." He smiled._

_Mordin smiled back, it was a smile shared by friends who have gone through so much as to consider the other old friends, even though they were in contact with each other for only months. "Of course you do, silly me. Am _inside _your head. Scientifically impossible for you not to. Hm, a fascinating experience to say the least. Perhaps I could run tests…?" he looked at Shepard in askance at that last question._

_Shepard chuckled and shook his head. "You always were the very model of a scientist Salarian…" he said amusedly._

_Mordin chuckled, and went along with it. "I studied species Turian, Asari and Batarian." He said, amusement coming from his voice as well. "I am quite good at genetics (as a subset of biology) because I am an expert (which I know is a tautology)."_

_Shepard and Mordin both looked each other in the eye. They then both broke out into song for the final line._

"_My Xeno-science studies range from urban to agrarian…"_

Shepard awoke on the chaise-lounge, softly and sadly murmuring to himself so that only Hannah could barely hear it. "… he was the very model of a scientist salarian."

The psychiatrist gave him a strange look before asking "What did you see, Shepard?"

He sighed. His mother had dragged him down here to get evaluated because she was concerned about his emotional state after all he had been through, or specifically lack of it. Shepard told her she was fussing. She told him he probably had PTSD, after all he went through with Saren, the Collectors, and the Reapers. He caved in finally, because she hardly saw him, and thought he was dead for two years. She had a right to be worried.

So far, however, it didn't seem to help much. They had been visiting the psychiatrist, she was honoured to have a patient such as him, every day for the past week. So far, all she had done was talk to him, but between his stubbornness, and the ingrained nature of his guilt complex, they were not making much progress.

As a preliminary test, she had decided to try out some hypnosis. It had transported him back to the Leviathan-esque place in his head where he confronted his own ghosts. He felt less guilty about Mordin, because he chose his own death, something Shepard highly respected him for doing.

"I saw an old friend, and laid to rest an old ghost." He said wearily. Doing this always left him world-weary, more so than usual. He needed a walk. Shepard got up and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" the shrink asked. Hannah got up to follow him.

"I'm going for a walk." He said, his voice sounding tired. The shrink made a move to stop him, but caught Hannah's eye who just shook her head. There was no stopping him once he set his mind to something. She sat back down, ignoring the impromptu closing of the session.

Hannah caught up with her son as he was walking along the corridor towards the exit of Alliance HQ. He was still in crutches, so it wasn't a challenge.

"What did you really see, John?"

He stopped and sighed. "I saw an old teammate. He gave his life on Tuchanka to release the cure. I talked to him, and laid his ghost to rest."

Hannah gave her son a sympathetic hug. His devotion to his men was legendary in the Alliance. Such a death would have affected him deeply. "I'm sorry. I know this must be hard for you…"

"Don't be. I feel the least guilt about his death. He chose to go that way, and I respect him for that. It's the others' that get me the most. Now if you'll excuse me, I need a walk to clear my head." He said in a tone that said he didn't want to discuss it. He then walked off, going along a side path leading to one of London's garden parks, leaving Hannah just standing there in a slight daze.

…

James Vega was a soldier.

No man, woman or mono-gendered being could look at him and say otherwise. So when it came to the situation where there was nothing to do on the Normandy except repairs, he was in a bit of a conundrum. Sure, he would help out with some of the heavy lifting, help hammer a few things into place, but his technical knowledge consisted of how to run his Omni-tool and 'hit it till it works'. So, when not needed, he took to people watching.

It was times like these he wished he hadn't.

The Normandy was close to being space-worthy again. Word was that they would be setting off today, having repaired the navigation systems recently, they could make their way back to the Arcturus relay. With this piece of news going around, Tali had been seen working like she was possessed.

_Sparks is gonna work herself to death _Vega thought observationally, then his darker thoughts whispered _perhaps that's what she wants to do, she adored him, and is taking it hard._

A few days ago, the ground team had all gathered at the Memorial Wall to pay their final respects to Shepard. It was assumed he was dead, and they wanted to honour the man who had brought them all together and brightened their lives. Even Javik had turned up, looking particularly regal and haughty, to honour the man who had helped him fulfil his purpose. So when the moment came to put Shepard's name underneath Anderson's on the Captain's section of the Memorial wall, it was unanimous that Tali should do it.

And she couldn't. She held the plate in her hands like it was Shepard himself. She gazed at it, her expression unreadable, (only Shepard had ever been able to tell her facial expressions through the mask) and froze. She couldn't do it. James watched as something seemingly broke inside her, and she ran back crying to deck one. That had saddened everyone, including him. Tali was his friend too. Liara had broken down crying at Tali's outburst, and had sobbed into Javik's arms. Javik, in an uncharacteristic show of tenderness, had held her while she sobbed.

The next day, as the crew entered the Mess Hall at the end of the day, Shepard's name tag had been found on the memorial wall. No one owned up to it, but Garrus afterwards had a haunted expression, and Tali made a point of not speaking to him at all for days afterwards.

Now she was throwing herself at everything, barely resting at all. Sometimes Garrus had to physically drag her to eat and rest. It worried the other ground team members, most of whom were old friends, and even the newcomers were concerned. Tali had always been so bubbly and joyful. Everyone liked her, and now she was a hollow shell of her former self. Hardly speaking to anyone, myopic at meal times, and when not working, spending her time on Deck one.

So James Vega thought nothing of it when Tali entered the lift to go to deck one, on the day the Normandy was supposed to take off.

…

Shepard stood on the bridge over the Thames, in the middle of a London park. Before the War, the UN, the governing body of Earth itself, had implemented measures to repair the environmental damage caused during the 21st and early 22nd century. This included various urban-park schemes, like the one here in London.

He found this small, secluded portion of the Thames on his walk out of Alliance HQ.

He liked the solitude that it brought him. Here it was just him, his thoughts and the wind. No crowding, no people wanting things from him, no sympathetic gazes out of corners-of-eyes. Just him.

A sudden urge compelled him to drop his crutches and climb onto the railing of the bridge. He felt the wind buffet against him, but his braces held him in place, although his legs were starting to hurt from the pressure. Strangely enough, he felt a little like he did on the Crucible. Objective, like the rest of the galaxy had gone into stasis while he pondered on a choice. What _this _choice was, he didn't know. He decided however, to jump.

He was calm as he plunged into the Thames, that late December morning.

The water was cold, and it cut through the insulation of his Alliance crew uniform like a knife. The chill of it immobilized him for a brief time. But when his muscles responded to him again, he felt no desire to move them.

As he floated there, underneath the Thames, watching bubbles float from his mouth and nose, he felt at peace. He felt himself being carried along by the currents, and for the first time he just let himself be swept away.

_The Reapers are dead. _He thought _The Galaxy is a united and coherent force. My work is done._

It was a novelty to the great Commander, to be able to just float there and watch the bubbles float away while his lungs started to burn. To have no obligations to anyone anymore.

_The Normandy's gone _his thoughts started to go darker, as they often did these days _Tali is dead, and I will never see her again. There are no Reapers to kill anymore, and I can retire from the Alliance after all I have done. I'm a free man, and boy, does this freedom have a bitter taste._

His vision started to darken around the edges, his lungs burning. Yet still he did not move. He could not think of a reason to keep the Mortal Coil. The possibilities of what happened if he stayed here held a dark fascination to him right now.

His vision started to grey, and the image of Tali came up. She was so hauntingly beautiful. Shepard's eyes were fixated on her, and he reached out to grasp the ghost of his dead love.

Instead she backed away, smiling the whole time, and pointed upwards.

_She wants me to go back there, and live _he thought, always thinking alike with Tali _I could never say no to that face._

He could feel himself blacking out as he made several powerful strokes towards the surface, the ghost of Tali urging him on. The last thing he felt before he lost consciousness was the tilting of his body as he hit a riverbank.

…

This place again? _was Shepard's only thought before a slap across his face sent him reeling inside his own head. Shepard turned back to face his attacker, and honestly wasn't surprised anymore, considering the things he had seen._

_Ashley Williams had a ferocious expression on her face. It seemed that death had liberated her of her inhibitions towards her Commanding Officers._

"_You God-Damned stupid son-of-a-bitch!" she cried indignantly "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!"_

_It was good to see Ash at her best again "We're in my head Ash, you tell me." He smirked._

_Ashley slapped him across the other cheek. Hard. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE SHEPARD! GET A GRIP!" she deflated a bit, calming enough to give him a full bollocking. "The Normandy, Shepard, is MIA! M.I. A. That means _missing_! Now, back when I knew you, you were never one to give up hope, and certainly unless you confirmed it, _missing _didn't mean _dead_!"_

_He sighed, losing all humour of the situation "This is space Ash, how many times has an MIA ship ever been found?"_

"_DAMNIT SHEPARD! What do you think would happen to Tali if she finally made her way back to Earth to find out you had drowned yourself, Romeo?!" She replied angrily._

_That sent Shepard reeling. He hadn't thought of that. If that happened, Tali would be distraught, and after the stress of being evacuated at London, seeing him being hit by Harbinger, and finding him dead by drowning himself, would she break? He didn't want to think of that possibility._

"_Oh God" he murmured. He turned to Ashley "I'm so sorry Ashley."_

_She sighed, all the anger leaving her. "Don't apologize to me, John. Apologize to her, when you see her."_

"_For what it's worth, it was good seeing you again." He held out his hand._

_Ashley surprised him by ramming into him with an imaginary-rib-crushing hug. Shepard returned it, albeit surprised. She let go of him then looked him in the eye. "Now John, you need to wake up." And she slapped him again…_

Hard.

_That hurt a lot _Shepard thought as he watched his mum draw back her hand from the slap in the face she had just given him. Once she saw that he was awake, a look of indescribable relief entered her eyes. Then he started spluttering up water.

She patted him on the back as he sat up and spilled the contents of his lungs and stomach, Thames water mostly, on to the little river bank that he saw he was on now. Once he was done, he turned to his mum to say thanks.

And saw the now murderous look in her eye.

_Aw, Shit_

…

"What were you doing out on the river Thames?" the psychiatrist asked, with a lot less sympathy in her voice than when she was treating him for PTSD.

Shepard gave an annoyed sigh. After chewing him out on the river bank for endangering his own life, his mother had caught him in a death hug and started crying. Feeling guilty, he had agreed to his mother's request to get changed and come with her to the psychiatrists.

He looked at the woman with as blank an expression as he could muster. "I went for a walk and…"

"You took a walk into the Thames?" she interrupted.

Completely deadpan, he replied "No, I swam. Only Jesus can do that trick ma'am."

Miranda snorted in amusement, Hackett coughed to cover up a chuckle, and his mum just continued to look at him with an almost panicked look in her eye. Hackett had insisted on joining her, seeing as he considered Shepard his friend, and they were using one of his conference rooms for this impromptu session, while Miranda joined because she was head of his medical treatment here on Earth. His mum's look bothered him, because he felt guilty for being the cause of it.

"Don't get smart with me, young man." She replied with what was supposed to be an intimidating and rebuking tone. And it would have been, had she been talking to anyone else. He simply sat there quietly with a nonplussed expression on his face.

"It seems we need to take measures with you. You are clearly in a damaged frame of mind and are a danger to yourself."

"I was just-"

She carried on, completely ignoring the fact that he had spoken "You are a danger to yourself, and there is no telling what you will do next."

"I'm not-"

"Therefore, you will not be allowed to go anywhere without a designated supervisor-"

"I'M NOT CRAZY!" he boomed, his fist slamming down on the hard-wood conference table hard enough to send a crack the full length of it. Cracks spider-webbed out from the spot near the edge where he had slammed his fist down, until it snapped, and his fist went through the table along with part of the edge of it. Both Hackett's and Hannah's eyes widened, Hackett in awe of his strength, Hannah in surprise, seeing as she was not fully aware of his cybernetically enhanced strength. Miranda remained impassive. He took a perverse and dark pleasure in seeing the psychiatrist's eyes widen in fear.

"I just want fifteen minutes to myself. Fifteen fucking minutes to myself, and to be alone with my own thoughts. That's all I want! And you can't even let me have that." He turned to the psychiatrist "For your information, I was swimming to the surface when I blacked out. I'm done with this shit." He stormed towards the door.

Miranda put a hand on his shoulder to stop him "Shepard-"

He tensed up "Miranda." He said, his voice cold as dark-space "remove that hand from my shoulder, or I will remove it for you." Miranda hastily took her hand off, not liking the look in his eyes. He stormed out of the conference room. Hannah was beyond concern now, and followed her son out of the room.

…

"May I have a seat?"

Shepard turned to his mother, an almost shy expression on his face.

"Please, do."

She did so, arms resting on the back of the bench, mimicking her son.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you and scared you, Mom." He said quietly

"I know" she replied a smile in her voice "and I'm sorry we've been babying you."

"I know" he echoed, a smile on his face to.

They sat there in comfortable silence for a few moments. When Hannah turned back to her son, the smile had left her face.

"Did you try to kill yourself?" she asked hesitantly

He sighed. He contemplated the question for a few long moments. "Honestly, I don't know." He replied truthfully "I mean, I considered it. But when I saw her… she told me to go back."

Hannah assumed that he had hallucinated when his brain was starved of oxygen. To be honest, she was familiar with the situation he was in, after her husband died, she had been thinking similar thoughts.

"It gets better-" she paused, re-evaluating her statement "No it doesn't get better with time. You loved her like I loved him, correct?" he nodded "Then pain doesn't leave you, it just gets easier to bear. It helps when you have friends and family to lean on."

Shepard pulled her in for a one armed hug. She accepted gratefully. "I know, mom. I know."

"Holy Shit…. Shepard!" Kasumi yelled from somewhere a fair distance behind them. "Shepard!... Look… at this!" She came to a stop in front of them.

"What is it, Kasumi?"

Breathing heavily, having apparently run all the way from Alliance HQ, she could only say "The… Normandy!"

…

It was a bitter-sweet cheer that went through Joker, when the Normandy finally lifted off.

It was sweet, because he could finally get back to civilisation, and he loved having this ship in working order.

It was bitter… well… he didn't want to go there.

_It's a shame she couldn't see this _he thought anyway

As he guided the Normandy off the unknown planet, his melancholy thoughts wandered. What would he do now? The Normandy held too many painful for him now to reside in, with _her _death. Alliance wasn't too fond of brittle boned pilots. He barely managed the physical testing in his academy. He only got in because he was the best at what he did.

His thoughts continued to wander as the ship flew within range of the comm-buoys. When communication re-initialised, he gave a cursory glance over the channels, and only just managed to spot the incoming general transmission. He opened it.

"This is Staff Commander John Shepard-"

_Holy Shit _was his first thought _Tali needs to hear this_

As Garrus was the acting CO of the Normandy, it was his duty to be in the CIC at take-off. He had wandered over to the bridge to get a status report from the pilot, when he heard the latter half of the transmission.

"- and if the Normandy is receiving this, come home, please. It's too quiet here to make it a victory."

Garrus turned to Joker. "Joker-"

"Already plotted, ETA 4 hours. Go get Tali."

Garrus ran as fast as he could to the elevator, while Joker fumbled with the controls for ship-wide broadcast. It was always EDI's job after all.

…

When the elevator doors opened for Garrus, he found Liara already inside. She turned to him.

"You heard then?" she asked

"Yeah, how did you hear" he asked

"Shadow broker." Was her only reply before the elevator doors opened. Fear clenched both their hearts as they heard a gunshot from inside the cabin.

…

Finally, she was done. She didn't have any more obligations to this life.

Tali's thoughts repeated variations of these thoughts as she rode the elevator up to her cabin at the end of the day. The Normandy was space-worthy, they were in the final checks and didn't need her. She just wanted to go up and crawl into their bed, which still smelled faintly of _him_.

She walked into the cabin and crawled into the bed, going into the foetal position. Being surrounded by the scent of _him _always calmed her down. It was so relaxing, and helped console her.

She didn't know how long she just lay there, but the sensation of the Normandy leaving the atmosphere brought her some relief. She could leave now, and join him.

Slowly, almost in slow motion, Tali uncurled herself from the bed and got up. She reached to the bedside table by Shepard's side of the bed, and reached into the draws. He kept a Carnifex here, she knew that. She reached in and pulled it out, flicked the safeties off and stood at the edge of the bed.

She was broken. She knew this, and acknowledged it. She had done her duty to the crew, and got the Normandy into the air and on the way home. No one needed her now, and she was free to join her love.

Slowly, almost ritualistically, she raised the Carnifex to her right temple.

Then the memories flashed by. Memories of her time with Shepard. The first time she met him. Being accepted onto the crew. His spectre ceremony. The first time he visted her in engineering. She always looked forward to those visits. Therum, Feros, Noveria, Terra Nova, Virmire, Illos. She watched him get spaced from her escape pod. She was devastated. Freedom's Progress was like a dream to her. Then on Haestrom, he single headedly ploughed through a Geth Colossus to come and save her. She was swooning when he first appeared through that door there in the bunker.

He was there for her when she was accused of treason. He was there for her when she her father died. Keelah, He got her exonerated!

Then he admitted to reciprocating her feelings. That was one of the happiest moments of her life. Their first time just before the suicide mission was one of the most nerve-wracking. Their first date on Illium afterwards was just magical.

Later, on Rannoch (_Rannoch_, her home-world that he got back for crying out loud), she told him she loved him, and while he didn't say it, she knew he did too. Then in their cabin, just before Cronus station, he told her he loved her. That was the happiest moment of her life.

All the times he had encouraged her, told her to keep going, flashed before her eyes. And she couldn't do it. Screaming in frustration, she fired the Carnifex into the ceiling.

When Garrus and Liara burst into the cabin, she didn't turn to face them. She was just tired. She was fed up with her life. She couldn't be bothered to answer their inevitable questions about why she almost killed herself.

Instead of questions though, Liara started to say urgently and excitedly "Tali-"

Then Joker's Ship wide broadcast echoed throughout the cabin and throughout Tali's soul. The entire crew heard it as well.

"This is Staff Commander John Shepard-"

…

**Gentlemen and Gentleladies, That concludes Chapter seven!**

***The Coherent fighting force that the angry mob has recently become, after organising themselves into cohort like fashion, start screaming and yelling***

**All right, all right, apologies for ending it on a cliff hanger (not really) but this took a long time to write.**

**By popular demand of two people, I have included a Tali scene and have hurried up with the romance (to be honest I was getting impatient as well).**

**I don't normally beg, so my previous statement in the last chapter about read and reviews still stands, but I don't want people to think I am an attention whore. **

**Fellow writers will know what I am talking about however, when I say that the feeling you get when you read a positive review is like nothing I have very experienced. My previous statement about reviews and motivations still stands. **

**Read and review please.**

**As always, I bid you all Good Day *Doffs Non-Existent Hat**

**-The Gentlemen Without a Hat**


	9. Together Again

**Together Again**

"_Absence doth sharpen love,  
presence strengthens it,  
one brings fuel,  
the other blows it till it burns clear"  
- William Shakespeare_

…

Shepard's heart was racing in anticipation as he watched the Normandy ramp go through its decontamination cycle. After receiving the news that the Normandy had made contact with Alliance Command, Command had designated a landing site near the N7 hospital village, for the Normandy was barely space-worthy, and needed to land again. Shepard had commandeered a shuttle and flown it like a mad man back to the quaint little village, with both his mother and Kasumi with him. He now stood in front of the loading door, waiting for the one person he wanted to see the most.

Tali was bouncing up and down on her feet as the ramp lowered agonisingly slowly. Garrus chuckled next to her. "A little eager are we Tali?" She ignored him as she finally saw him after a month and a half of agonising separation.

He stood with two other people either side of him, but her vision tunnelled to him alone. To his favourite N7 leather jacket. To his leg-braces and crutches, that didn't detract from his commanding presence at all. To his gorgeous face with that wonderful smile she fell in love with. Her feet started moving of their own accord before the ramp was even fully down.

He was beaming at her "Tali…" he managed to choke out, his eyes suspiciously bright.

Garrus held out an arm to stop the other team members as Tali ran full pelt straight at him. Shepard dropped his crutches, his braces now taking the full weight, and held out his arms. Tali leaped into them as she ripped off her mask and moulded her mouth into his. Oxygen was trivial. Bacteria be damned, she was kissing him! For the first time in a month and a half, she felt normal.

He was kissing her back with matched vigour, a noise at the back of his throat driving her wild. Eventually they pulled apart, the burning in their lungs forcing them to. She got a close look at his face as he gazed back down at her. He had bruises underneath his eyes, a long vertical scar running down his right eye, and another, smaller, scar running vertically down the left corner of his mouth, and there was evidence of burn healing along his face and neck. He had never looked more handsome.

She put a hand to his face "John, you're…" Here, and very much alive.

He took that hand in his "I know, Tali. So are you." Was his only response.

She leaned in to kiss him again, but he stopped her with a hand. He held out her mask to her. "I want to Tali, you have no idea, but not here." She simply nodded in her response. Her mask clicked back into place with a hiss.

Tali heard a chuckling from Shepard's left. She turned, and saw a short, auburn-haired woman who looked older than Shepard. In fact, the resemblance between him and her was remarkable. With a jolt of nervousness, Tali realised that this was Shepard's mother.

_Keelah, we just made out in front of his mother!_ "Oh, um… hello" she stammered nervously while holding her hand out, it was supposed to be a human greeting "I'm T-Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, you must be Mrs Shepard". Hannah eyed the girl with a highly amused expression, and then surprised her by batting away the proffered hand and grabbing her in a bear hug with surprising strength for such a small woman.

As a very surprised Tali returned the hug, Hannah whispered in her ear. "My son thinks the world of you, and speaks highly of your people. He loves you deeply, so I do to." Tali relaxed at those words. She didn't have any family left, bar Admiral Raan, so she didn't want to cause conflict between her love and his family.

While his mother was whispering into Tali's ear, a familiar sarcastic voice drifted down from the Normandy. "Don't expect me to greet you the same way." Shepard gave a huge grin, and turned to Garrus as he walked down the loading ramp. He walked up to his best friend and they both gave each other an enormous man-hug with all the required back-slapping and cheering.

Shepard broke off from the hug and turned to each one of the ground team, looking them all in the eye. The pride in his eyes made them all feel like gods among men, that they had his approval, and the pride in their eyes made Shepard feel for a brief moment that this was all worth it.

Hannah pulled out of the hug and looked at Tali from arm's length. "Please, don't call me Mrs Shepard, that makes me feel old." Shepard chuckled next to them.

"You, Mom? Old?" he said amusedly "Surely not!" he laughed. Hannah gave her son a mock glare, but there was amusement in her eyes. Tali turned and slipped into Shepard's arms as Garrus asked the question the whole team wanted to know.

"Shit, Shepard, when we saw you hit by that Reaper, we thought it was over. How'd you survive that?"

"Well, couldn't have been worse than seeing your ugly mug every day."

Everyone was laughing as Admiral Hackett arrived. The Alliance people in the ground team saluted, which Hackett returned. "My sincere thanks to all of you." He said solemnly, looking at each of them. "What you have done is something the entire galaxy will spend lifetimes trying to repay, and still fall short." Shepard nodded, glad that his crew were getting the credit they deserved. "However, as wonderful as this reunion is, I'd advise you all to go back to the Normandy and find a quiet place to relocate it near the hospital before the press get wind of here and swarm it." Everyone nodded, and a ghost of a smile crossed Hackett's face. "If Shepard is anything to go by, any encounter with the press will go badly." Everyone chuckled.

Hackett turned to Shepard. "Your other crew members have been notified and are en-route. They have been stationed all over earth, so they may take a while."

"Thank you, sir."

"No, thank _you._" Hackett then surprised everyone by giving him a crisp salute. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to London to try and keep the brass off of your ass."

Shepard chuckled "Much appreciated sir." Hackett turned and walked back to his shuttle.

Tali turned Shepard, gripping his waist like it was an extension of herself. "C'mon, let go and catch up with the rest of the crew."

…

Hannah Shepard was over the moon.

A permanent smile had plastered itself over her face as she watched her son in the mess hall of the Normandy, catching up with his crew and his girlfriend. His _girlfriend_! For the first time since she saw him in that field hospital, her son was truly relaxed and happy. She watched the girl, Tali, as she sat as close to him as she could without physically climbing into his lap. She saw him shape himself so that she could get close, and when they glanced at each other when they thought no one was looking, the love there was plain to see. As was the desire, which caused Hannah to blush and look away.

His crew were an eclectic bunch. There were the Alliance people of course, but then there were the others as well. There was a mercenary veteran who looked like he had been collecting bounties since before first contact, a tattooed, potty mouth biotic lady who turned out to be an Alliance instructor, a calm, collected, business looking lady wearing a cat suit with curves that looked like they belonged in a lingerie catalogue, and what was apparently a teenage Krogan. Hell, she was sitting next to a live Prothean! Who turned out to be one of the funniest people she had ever met without even trying. The list of his diverse crew apparently went on.

Tali, however, was one of the sweetest people she had ever met. Hannah saw her when she ran to John, caring about nothing else as they reunited, and exchange witty banter with the rest of the crew with a healthy dose of confidence. Yet when she first saw Hannah, she turned shy and bashful, probably assuming she thought her a harlot (yet still not denouncing the love by pushing him away in that awkward situation).

If there was ever a perfect woman for her son, she was it.

…

Tali thought she might spontaneously combust with impatience and desire.

Shepard, the sweet man he was, had decided to catch up with the rest of the crew and any of the former crew that made it. There were some amusing moments, like when Grunt almost burst into tears when he saw 'daddy' for the first time since The Push, or when Jack had come back, and congratulated him for the victory over the Reapers by giving him a full-on snog, shooting a grin at Tali afterwards to show it was a joke and leaving Shepard very confused.

But, they sat around the table in the mess hall exchanging banter with the rest of the crew, but all Tali wanted to do was to drag him up to deck one and carry on with the reunion. And from the heated glance that Shepard sent her, which sent shivers through her whole body, he wanted that to.

"Hey Loco." Piped up James "Those braces on your legs permanent?"

"Nah, I'll be able to walk again in about a month, but no combat for years apparently."

A surge of joy went through Tali. As much as she knew being as soldier was part of him, and loved him for it, she hated having to fear for his life. "Good, no more running off and leaving me behind." She tried to sound jovial as she said this. Shepard turned his head to her, concern in his eyes. She just shook her head at him, indicating that they would talk later.

"I was gonna say then." James carried on jokingly "You could have had cripple parties with Joker." Joker snorted, and responded with his own banter. The bickering continued, with the surrounding people laughing until their sides hurt.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Shepard stood up and yawned. "It's great to see you all again, but it's been a long day, and I would like to get some sleep now." Everyone sniggered when he pulled Tali up with him, what was going to happen on deck one entirely predictable.

As they turned round the corner, everyone still kept chuckling until Hannah said with mirth in her voice "Oh shush everyone, he's earned the right to some alone time. Leave him alone, honestly."

…

Shepard was following Tali into the cabin on his crutches when she suddenly stopped.

"Tali?" he asked. He got no response. "Tali are you okay."

Her shoulders started shaking. Shepard dropped the crutches and immediately went to hug her. She turned into his embrace, her face pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped completely around her. A month and a half's worth of grief, loneliness and despair gushed out of her in tears. The feel of his arms around her was like a security blanket, the warmth of his embrace a balm for her suffering.

When she was done, she looked up into his face and saw that he had been crying too. She wasn't the only one who was lonely. She reached up and cupped his face.

"I love you John."

"I love you too Tali, always."

They said nothing else. Nothing else needed to be said. They were together now, and that was all that mattered.

…

"Go back to sleep Tali." He said as he stroked her hair.

Once they had both stopped due to exhaustion, they lay there in the afterglow, holding each other. Tali had been resting her head on his chest, her eyes drooping as she fell asleep, only to jerk open as she tried to stay awake.

"No" she mumbled into his chest. She squeezed tighter. "I don't want this to end."

"Tali, it won't end. I'll be here when you wake up."

She lifted her face from his pectoral and looked him in the eye. The lingering fear and sadness still evident. "I'm afraid that if I go to sleep, this will be a dream." She said in a quiet voice "And that I will wake up in this bed alone, cold, sad." Tears started pooling in her eyes. Shepard tightened his grip into a hug.

After the tears had stopped, Shepard brushed her eyes and hair with his hand. Tali sighed in contentment. "I'm sorry John, I-"

"Don't be sorry Tali, you have had a rough time. It's okay to cry now and again."

She turned away from his gaze, looking instead at his collarbone. "I'm a mess Shepard, a wreck who cries at random moments. You shouldn't have to deal-"

"None of that Tali." He interrupted. "You had a lot of grief inside you. You still have some that you needed to vent. I'm here Tali, and I'm not going anywhere."

A smile came across her face, and she looked back into Shepard's eyes, seeing only the truth there. She was overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude and happiness and love. Love for this wonderful man.

"Thank you, John." She said sheepishly. "I love you."

"I love you. Now go to sleep, and dream only of happiness."

And so she did.

…

Shepard awoke to the sensation of warmth.

He was in a comfortable bed, with warm blankets over him. More importantly, a warm arm and leg were draped over him, and a hand was tracing circles over his chest. The sensation of Tali's bare skin upon him was one of the most pleasurable to wake up to. He thought about waking up like this for the rest of his life.

All in all, life was good.

He turned and kissed Tali long and hard. She complied willingly, pulling back only to breath, and even then, only reluctantly. They lay in silence, enjoying the moment. That is until Tali spoke up.

"You smell funny." His usual scent of Polymer and _him _had something else in it. She couldn't quite place it, and it was unfamiliar to her. Shepard lifted his arm and took a sniff. She was gazing at his face when realisation hit him.

"Aw, Shit." He tried to scoot away, but Tali simply tightened her grip, mewling in distress. Where did he think he was going?

"Keep away!" he cried, shuffling to the edge of the bed. His expression softened when he saw the hurt look on Tali's face.

"I'm covered in bacteria." He explained "I kind of… jumped into a river." He said sheepishly. Tali looked confused.

"Why did you jump into a river?" she asked.

A haunted look passed fleetingly over his face, gone as quick as it came.

"I'm going to have to shower, I don't want to contaminate you more." He said as he stood up. Tali pulled him back down so that he sat on the edge of the bed. When he made protest, she manoeuvred herself so that she was straddling his lap and kissed him. He quietened down, having a beautiful naked woman straddling your naked lap kissing you did things to a man.

"John, contamination is a moot point, seeing as I already slept with you." She explained to him. "Being with you has strengthened my immune system, and I took some antibiotics after I exposed myself in the open air earlier." She gave him a long, tender kiss to emphasise her point. She broke off the kiss.

"John" she said quietly "Something's bothering you. Why did you jump into the river?"

The haunted look returned to his face, and didn't leave. She hated putting that expression on his face, it meant he was suffering, but it would be cathartic in the end. He looked down, avoiding her eyes.

"To see what would happen." He spoke so quietly that she almost missed it. "I thought you were dead Tali. My world was empty. I wanted to see if, when put in the situation to, I would do it. End it."

Tali's breath hitched, and her heart ached for him. She hated seeing him suffer, and even thinking about that kind of pain in his heart was horrible for her. She tightened her grip on him, to comfort him or her, she wasn't sure.

"Why did you pull away?"

For the first time since this confession started, he looked into her eyes. The pain there was spilling out, as tears were threatening to. "I saw you Tali." Her head cocked to the side in confusion. "As the oxygen slowly left my brain, I saw your ghost, and it told me live. I could never say no to you, my love." She was crying now, in sympathy for him, as was he. She cradled his face on her chest, stroking his hair, as he had done for her more than once.

"I almost did that to." She murmured quietly

"What?" he asked in surprise, jerking his head up to look into her eyes.

"It was just before I got the news that you were alive. The Normandy was space-worthy, I thought you were dead. I had no reason to stay around. The thought of life without you was excruciating. I came up here, and put a gun to my head." Shepard tightened his grip around her, as the thought of her life in danger sent a bolt of fear through him.

"What stopped you?"

"Two things actually." She said her voice thick with the emotion of this conversation. "One was the memory of a conversation I had with Javik."

"Javik?"

"Yeah, when I was having one of my down moments, he came up here once and gave me an inspirational conversation. He told me that wherever you were, you would not want to see me sad. So I tried to take his advice to heart, but it was so _hard_." Tears started leaking from the corners of her eyes.

"And the second thing?"

"The memories of all the times you had encouraged me to keep going, and not give up. The memories of all the time we spent together, of the love and friendship we had, and I couldn't do it. I just… couldn't."

They both held each other, the silence between them comfortable. They then crawled back under the sheets, as the thought of the other dying had awoken a need within both of them.

…

Shepard awoke again similar to how he had before, except that he could hear a faint rumbling. He searched around for it, and found it to be coming from Tali. An enormous grin broke out on his face, as it dawned on him what was happening.

Tali was purring.

She hadn't made this sound before, even when he had woken up before her, in the 6 month window of grace they had after the Omega 4 relay. He would have to ask her about that when she woke up.

But not now. Now, he drifted back to sleep, dreaming of being embraced by a certain quarian who had captured his heart.

…

**Gentlemen and Gentlelaides, that concludes Chapter Eight!**

***The Roman style army on my front lawn send out an emissary to formally declare war on me.***

**I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Even the fluff here is angsty I know! Oh and sorry for the delay, I was indisposed at my grandparents' house.**

**Which reminds me, if there is ever a delay, check my profile page, as I have a story bulletin board up there to give live updates on that status of my motivation.**

**To anyone who is feeling slightly offended that this is basically, so far at least, a copy-paste of The Silence After, I feel the same way. While the upcoming 'arc' of this story (I use the term loosely, seeing as this is not a serialised story) is loosely based on another story, It will contain more of my own Ideas, as my head cannon really started at the point of reunion.**

**As always, I bid you all, Good Day *Doffs Non-existent Hat***

**-The Gentlemen Without a Hat**


	10. Auld Lang Syne

**Auld Lang Syne**

"_From the end springs new beginnings"  
-Pliny the Elder_

…

Rumbling. For the second time that day, Shepard awoke to rumbling.

They hadn't moved since Shepard had fallen asleep. Shepard was still on his back, an arm around Tali. Tali was still curled up against him, an arm over him, and a happy smile on face. She was still purring.

He liked the sound, it was cute and endearing. Yet another happy surprise about the woman he loved. Before he could stop himself, a light chuckle rumbled in his chest.

The purring stopped, and slowly but surely, Tali's eyes opened, a happy look in them as she gazed onto Shepard's face. She smiled at him, and he smiled back, completely forgetting what he was going to ask her.

"Hey." She said softly

"Good morning." He replied.

"It is, isn't it?" she snuggled deeper into his chest, breathing deeply. That sparked a memory in his head.

"Tali, I woke up earlier while you were still sleeping." He said, a smile on his face as he gauged her reaction. "And I heard a rumbling coming from you." Her eyes snapped to his, wide and embarrassed.

"Were you purring?" he asked amusedly.

"I…um… I-I…" she spluttered

"Relax, love, I liked it, you have nothing to be embarrassed about." He reassured her "I thought it was cute."

She settled down, but Shepard knew that if she had both arms free she would be wringing her hands right about now. She looked away from him, clearly still embarrassed. "When quarian women… are at their most relaxed" she began hesitantly, slowly gaining pace as she got into the explanation "for example when they feel happy as well as feeling at their most safe and secure, they… what did you call it? Purr."

Shepard thought about it, and it _mostly _made sense. But he could tell she was hiding something from him. "Okay, so you purred while asleep in my arms. But why haven't I heard you do it before? We have slept together many times."

She shifted uncomfortably. "Well… you see… we purr when we are at are _most _content. And you see… we rarely feel that content, unless… we are being held by our…" She paused, and took a deep breath, then looked him in the eyes "by our Mate."

The look in her eye was something he hadn't seen in a long time. It was a mixture of nervousness, anticipation and dread. He racked his brains trying to think of the last time he saw that look in her eye, because he _had _seen it before. The last time he saw that look in her eye…

… Was when she told him she was interested in him.

"Tali?" he asked, slowly and deliberately "You said 'Mate'. Is there some kind of cultural significance to that word that I don't know about?"

Tali closed her eyes, paused, and opened them again, the _look _ still there. "John, quarians, we… we mate for life." His eyes widened at the implications, although he had already guessed "When a quarian finds her mate, on a psychological, almost biological level, they are basically married. Most of the time, mates will then soon after discovering that will go to their ships captain and ask to be logged as married with a small ceremony."

His head was reeling. "Tali… are you saying I am your Mate?"

"…Yes."

A smile to outdo all others found itself onto his face. She wanted him for the rest of her life! He was ecstatic, but he could see that Tali was still fearful about his answer, so he pulled her chin close so that he was looking into those silvery orbs of hers. "I would love nothing more, my love." He simply stated.

Her eyes widened. In one move she pinned his shoulder to the bed and straddled him, turning his head to face hers. The fearful look had intensified, but in there was a spark of hope.

"John, don't say that! You don't know what you are committing to so readily." She said, a hint of desperation in her voice. "This is for _life! _There is no divorce like humans have! Once you become my Mate, there is _NO _going back!" She blinked backed tears "John, if you do this with me, you will never have children. The Shepard line will end with you. I don't want you resenting me in twenty years' time because you were unable to get a divorce!" She choked back a sob "To see you with anyone else would kill me, John." She started crying.

Shepard sat up and cradled her on his lap. She sobbed into his shoulder. He stroked her hair, and the sobbing seemed to reduce. He rubbed her back, and finally, the crying stopped. He continued stroking her hair for a few minutes, and it seemed to sooth her, for which he was glad.

"Tali, I meant what I said. I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you, to wake up next to you and see your beautiful face, to kiss you when I'm happy, or sad, or when I feel like it. To have lazy days where we do nothing but spend all day just making love to each other. I love you, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. I want to be your Mate."

Tali cried out in happiness, threw her arms around his neck and gave him a long, loving kiss that left them both gasping for air and light-headed, and not just from the lack of air. She rested her forehead on his and looked into his eyes, seeing only love there. Shepard's eyes lit up in happiness when she started purring, which only made her happier. They stayed like that for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's company.

"You know Tali, I figure you just did the quarian equivalent of proposing."

She hummed affirmatively.

"And I have been thinking of proposing to you for a while now. I want to do it the human way, make it romantic and a special moment. What do you think?"

"I think that if you want to do that, then you should. I did a little research on 'proposals', and I would probably love whatever you came up with. I mean, I already consider you my Mate…" a flicker of doubt crossed her eyes.

"… and you are my 'Mate'" he reassured her, trying out the word with a chuckle.

She giggled, her heart, already light because of him, soared. "… and I would love to do the human thing and be your 'wife'."

He didn't think his grin could go any bigger, but it did. He gave her a passionate kiss which took her by surprise, but she melted into it, purring as well, which sent jolts of electricity throughout his nervous system. The euphoria they both felt kept increasing, as they both celebrated in the fact that they had each other. It was a perfect moment. So, typically, something had to ruin it.

Shepard's stomach rumbled. They broke apart and Tali snorted, while Shepard just chuckled.

"Come on." She said "let's get some food."

They both stood up to get dressed, but just before they had to break the embrace, Shepard gave her a quick kiss.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

…

Garrus and James were in the mess hall when the happy couple stepped off the elevator onto, the still reasonably battered, Deck 3 during the late afternoon of the next day. Needless to say, the banter ensued.

"Ahh, the Saviour of the Galaxy returns from his conquest to grace us with his presence!" greeted a mirthful Garrus.

"Careful Garrus, or you might just find that Thanix Cannon of yours, _De-calibrated_!" replied Tali, not quite managing to keep the amusement from her voice.

The look on Garrus' face was a cross between unadulterated mirth at the flowing banter, and genuine fear at the thought of someone else touching his guns. Vega chuckled at his fear, chipped in his own two pence.

"Damn Loco, and I thought you had endurance _on _the battlefield. Didn't know anything about _off."_

"Eat shit, Vega." came Shepard's eloquent and witty reply, his voice nonetheless filled with the amusement that flows between friends insulting each other.

Tali walked slowly and patiently with Shepard, who was still in crutches and braces, never straying far from his side. He was moving more slowly than when he had first come aboard, she noticed. It hadn't occurred to her whether his legs might hurt.

_Oh, Keelah! And the first thing I make him do when he comes aboard is exert his legs! _She blushed, unnoticed by the others, thoughts about those 'exertions' came to mind. She watched Shepard closely while he was exchanging jokes, barbs and banter with Garrus and James, as he walked to the kitchen to look for some food. She heard the minute catch in his voice that meant he was schooling it to keep it neutral, as he did when he was in pain.

As he sat down with his ration pack and her nutrient paste, she sat down next to him on the bench, maintaining the comforting body contact. She didn't miss the fleeting look of relief that came into his eyes when he sat down. She let it go until he finished eating. Once he finished she turned to him.

"Shepard, your legs are hurting aren't they?"

"I'm fine, Tali." He replied too quickly. Damn the stubborn man.

She ignored him. "How long have they been hurting?"

"Tali I'm-"

"No you're not Shepard. I can tell when you're being a stubborn ass and ignoring an injury. The war is over, you don't need to put up your 'Commander' shields to anyone anymore, especially _me_!" she almost shouted with surprising emotion, her voice gradually growing louder and louder

He could see tears threatening to spill in her eyes. He hadn't realised she was still hurting. _Dammit man, of course she is still hurting, she hadn't seen you in over a month. Those kinds of wounds run deep._ He pulled her into a hug and held patted her back soothingly. Once she had finally gained control, Shepard turned her so she could look at him.

"Tali, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were still hurting."

"I'm fine Shepard." She said, her voice speaking her forgiveness and concern "You're the one in pain."

"I'm sorry for worrying you."

"It's fine, let's get you to see Dr Chakwas."

…

"John Francis Shepard, you are by far the single most stubborn man I have ever met." Chakwas shook her head at the man in question.

"I'm getting that a lot lately." Tali snorted on the opposite bed.

"Your legs are in pain because they have been overexerted." She gave a pointed look upwards. She handed him a pill. "A painkiller, it'll last the rest of the day. Don't overexert yourself and the cybernetics in your leg should continue the mending process." She gave a pointed look at the both of them. "That means no strenuous activity." She sounded remarkably like a mother scolding her child.

"Got it doc, no sex." answered Shepard.

"I mean it, Commander. If I hear that you have been having sex, I'll castrate you myself." She sounded deadly serious. He shuddered.

"Yes, ma'am." He turned and left the medbay.

As he left he was greeted by Jack, pushing a trolley full of bottles of spirits and various other alcohols.

"Jack, I know you're a heavy drinker, but I think that might be a bit too much for you, don't you think?"

Jack stopped and turned to him with a huge shit-eating grin on her face. "Shut it, Commander Wiseass, the only cripple allowed to make jokes on this ship is Joker."

Said pilot was sitting on a nearby bench, and burst out laughing. He held out a high-five, which Jack returned. Shepard's only response was a raised eyebrow. After she had stopped chuckling, Jack continued.

"Seriously though, WE ARE HAVING A PARTY!" Vega and Garrus in a nearby corner cheered, as did some other crewmembers. "And you can't have a party without booze, so I went and bought enough booze to knock Grunt flat on his ass and have some left over."

The cheers of everyone on the Crew deck were loud. Shepard looked around, and saw everyone relaxing after what had possibly been the hardest six months of their entire lives.

"Ah what the hell, it is New Year's, after all."

…

If there is one thing you can say about the Normandy crew, it's that they know how to have a party.

Jack had lived up to her promise, and at around 10 o'clock at night, Grunt passed out on to the kitchen table, and ended up waking the next morning mumbling something about 'damn wizards'.

Jack herself was also a formidable drinker, starting several drinking matches, including drinking Kaidan completely under the table. To his credit, and possibly his biotic metabolism, he woke up before midnight, albeit groggily. But after a few drinks with Vega, a commotion was caused elsewhere in the party, and when people diverted there attention back to the drinking table, both Jack and James were gone.

Javik and Wrex got along like a house a fire. Javik respected a fearsome warrior such as Wrex, the Krogan being ferocious warriors even in his time. Wrex, for his part, considered himself too old to be fazed by the fact that he was talking to a warrior older than he was, with a list of war stories of equal length to boot. Javik was also seen numerous times having conversations Liara, who herself appeared to be enjoying herself immensely when seen with him. And if the people who saw him didn't know any better, they would say Javik looked almost, _happy_.

A giggling Chakwas was seen conversing with Zaeed, swaying slightly but enjoying herself nonetheless. Zaeed too was smiling with her around, and they stayed closer than was considered simply friendly for inordinate amounts of time.

Kenneth was at one point in the party seen doing a jig on the table, staying remarkably stable despite the half empty bottle of scotch in his hand. Gabby laughed and clapped him along, a bit too far gone herself.

Garrus and Joker stood by the steps to the Main battery, a crowd around them as they proceeded to try and out-joke each other, joke for joke. They were there for the whole night.

Kasumi ended up hanging around Garrus' joke competition, chiming in her comments which enhanced punchlines. She seemed only to enhance Garrus' ones, and mock Joker's ones however.

Samara, to the astonishment of everyone present, got more than a little tipsy. She ended up jumping onto a table, after it had been used by an off-her-face-Traynor, when the music changed and did an…ahem…'exotic-style' dance. She was actually quite good.

Even Miranda let her hair down, giving good, loud belly laughs at some of Joker's jokes, sharing a drink or two with Jack, and dancing a bit when the music turned fast. She ended up dragging Kaidan to the Med-Bay because Chakwas had passed out onto Zaeed by that point. She wasn't seen again until Kaidan left the Med-Bay, a little unsteady.

All the crew shenanigans were providing endless amusement to Shepard, Tali and Hannah, who watched from the side-lines. Shepard, because he was resting his legs and taking it easy on the drinks. Tali, because she was sitting with Shepard, and had vague but embarrassing memories of the last few times she drank, she really couldn't hold her drink. Hannah, because 'I'm getting too damn old for these goddamn parties' (Shepard had to repress shudders at how eerily like Zaeed she sounded), and because she wanted to spend some time with her son's girlfriend.

This was proving problematic however, due to the loud music and talking. They had managed however, to clear up the fact that Hannah did not, in fact, think Tali was some kind of Lolita or sycophant.

Eventually, it turned 11:59 Zulu time, so Shepard faded out the music, and faced the crowd.

"Alright people, its 11:59, 1 minute to new year!" a cheer went up from the crew. "Kenneth!"

"Aye, Commander, whit can ah dae fur ye?" his drink thickening his Scots accent.

"Can you lead the singing at midnight?"

"Can ah?! Aye, it'll be th'best damn singin' ye will ever hear!" a cheer went up from all the human crew, while all the aliens looked to them for clarification.

Shepard turned to Tali, and Hannah made an exaggerated motion of going to talk with Zaeed. He looked into her and held her close as the countdown began.

"Ten…Nine…Eight…Seven…Six…!"

Slowly, ever so slowly, their heads inched closer together. In each other's eyes they started to lose themselves. The world around them blurred, the loud sound coming from the countdown becoming increasingly superfluous.

"Five…Four…Three…Two…One!"

Their foreheads joined together in a quarian kiss as the rest of the crew shouted "Happy New Year!". They had only eyes for each other.

"I love you, Tali. Happy New Year." He said softly and tenderly.

"I love you, John. Happy New Year."

Shepard turned to listen to Kenneth sing 'Auld Lang Syne' in his best scots.

_Should old acquaintance be forgot,  
and never brought to mind?  
Should old acquaintance be forgot,  
and old lang syne?_

_For auld lang syne, my dear,  
for auld lang syne,  
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,  
for auld lang syne._

"What was that song, Shepard?" asked Tali curiously.

"'Auld Lang Syne' loosely translates into 'For Old Times' sake'." He replied "It's a song humans sing at New Year. After all we've been through together with this crew, it seems appropriate, don't you think?"

"What, the song, or the New Year?"

"Both."

…

**Gentlemen & Gentleladies, that concludes Chapter Nine!**

**I am terribly sorry about this, but I am going to have to put this story on Hiatus**

***The Angry Cohort outside my door fire their siege weapons at me. Thankfully they all overshoot into my neighbours' garden. There is a small lull while they are reloading.***

**Yeah, yeah, you knew the arrangement. I said updates would be sporadic and that I have exams to prepare for. *dramatic sob* don't make this harder than it already is.**

**I won't insult my reader's intelligence by saying that the party contained some not-so-subtle hints about future character development. I will however make a notice that I will underlines so that it will apply to all future chapters**

**READ AND REVIEW PLEASE! WRITER OUTPUT ****REVIEWS WRITTEN: I.E THE MORE REVIEWS, THE FASTER AND BETTER THESE CHAPTERS ARE**

***A Shaman appears in a puff of smoke in front of the Angry Cohort. He waves some mystical voodoo in front of them. The Cohort retreat, and the Shaman disappears in a a puff of smoke***

**Phew!**

**Anyway, while I am gone stay Classy. As always, I bid you all Good Day *doffs non-existent hat***

**-The Gentlemen Without a Hat**


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